Almost fifteen years ago, I’ve started my blog “I Take off the Mask!”. Back then, I had no idea that the world would one day experience a pandemic that would require all of us to literally wear our masks for the protection of all those we hold dear. Back then, I merely wanted to put up a site where I could express “the real me”.
I even had the following tagline:
“I bare my nakedness to the world, that the world may see who I am; not the mask that hides my flaws, not the mask that hides my beauty. I bask in the light and I take off the mask!”
I wasn’t talking about physical nakedness, as I’m not referring to the masks we should now wear each day. Instead, it was about the masks we wore for fear of exposing our vulnerabilities. The masks that hide who we truly are.
The masks we wear
Today, when everyone is advised to wear masks, I’ve realized how my blog title has become both ironic and perplexing. I know that it refers to a different thing altogether, but does it?
Whenever I browse social media channels these days, I can’t help but wonder about the other kind of mask we still wear today. I don’t want to judge people who are truly content and happy where they are, but I can’t help but feel that many of us tend to wear this façade that we are smiling when we are crying deep within.
We try to somehow present a picture that we are positively adjusting to the “new normal”. We try to project an image of the fun things we can do here and there, and of how life goes on despite everything that’s happened.
The pain we hide
There is nothing wrong with an optimistic outlook, but somewhere along the way, it’s also not wrong to recognize the pain we all feel within.
The pain of the things we’ve lost. The pain of parting with the kind of life we’ve had. The pain of letting go of many of our dreams. The pain of suffering from all the evils and injustices of this world. The pain of saying goodbye to those we dearly loved.
We don’t always have to say that we’re okay when we’re not. We don’t have to convince ourselves that we’re superheroes who feel no fatigue or weariness in their struggles. We are human beings whose hearts can be broken, and whose spirits can get tired.
Safety for our vulnerabilities
I’m not saying that we shouldn’t lift up our eyes to better things. But I hope that we can provide each other with a safe environment where we can reach out when we need a helping hand, and where we won’t be judged when we finally expose our griefs.
Each day is indeed a gift, but life is still a battlefield where many are wounded along the way. How must we heal unless we first acknowledge how hurt we truly are?
Instead of pretending to be strong, may we open up our hearts to being strengthened. Instead of trying to hide our battles, may we remember that sometimes, there are people who can be encouraged by our very scars.
“We can disbelieve most people who claim they love us for our beauty. But how can we doubt them who love us despite all our scars?”
Why do we hide our tears from the world?
We hide our tears –
because we don’t want to appear weak
because when we appear weak, other people would avoid us
because they don’t want to be affected by our weaknesses
and when they leave us, we just become even lonelier than before.
We hide our tears –
because we don’t want to lose our credibility
with the people who trust us and depend on us
because when they see us crying, they’d think we’re crumbling
and when we crumble, they’d have no one to lean on to anymore.
We hide our tears –
because we don’t want to appear hurt
because when our loved ones see how hurt we are, they’d get hurt as well
and we don’t want to see them hurt
because we’d only get hurt the more.
I’ve hidden my tears for quite a while, ’til there came a time when I surrendered, and I set them free — I let them flow, and I’ve realized, I don’t want to hide my tears anymore.
I don’t want to hide my tears anymore –
because I want to show others how much I understand their tears,
and in so doing, help them feel they’re not alone;
because I want to show one doesn’t have to be perfect all the time,
just so you can be strong;
because I want others to understand me too, in my hurts,
trusting they can also be strong,
and that they could also love me for who I am,
not for who I pretend to be.
“If you will love me I cannot promise you that I will not hurt you. I cannot promise you that I will not make you cry and that I’ll never break your heart. But if you will love me, I will bare my whole self naked before you, and I will reveal to you my soul. If you will love me, you can be certain that it is I that you will love, not a mask that fools you and gives you only what your eyes desire to see.
If you will love me, you can be certain that you will love the depths of me, all of me that is in me, and I in turn will love you with all of me, with all my soul, with all my mind, with all my spirit, with all my flaws and beauty, and with all my very heart.”
