What do you do when a loved one dies?
When a loved one dies, you may feel as though something within you has died, too. You feel that deep void that nothing could ever fill.
Your whole world changes. All of a sudden, you wonder about the meaning of your life.
Sometimes, you can’t even put everything into words. You just feel lost and confused. You feel as though time has stopped and your life has stopped as well.
What do you do now that your loved one has gone away? How do you even start to do the things you were doing before?
For many of us, we may even neglect taking care of ourselves. We skip our meals and we find it hard to sleep. Or we may sleep all day and not move at all.
Should we stop caring for ourselves when our loved one dies?
What Your Loved One Would Have Wanted
One very important thing to keep in mind is to think about what your loved one would have wanted for you. If he or she were still living, how would that person want to see you? Would your loved one be happy seeing you neglect yourself? Would it be that person’s desire to see you give up on life?
While it may be hard to imagine, try to look back at those times when a loved one was still alive. Try to remember those times when that person reminded you to eat or to take a good rest when you don’t feel well. Even when you can’t recall such times, imagine how your loved one must be feeling when seeing you now.
Sometimes, you take care of yourself not because you feel like doing so but because you want to honor the memory of someone who cares for you.
Wherever they may be, you want to assure them that you are doing your best to survive. Yes, you may be grieving. But you are trying to make it day by day. You don’t want your loved one to feel burdened. You want to send a message instead that you’re going to be fine.
For The People Who Are Still With You
You must also remember the many people are still by your side. If you are a parent, you must have other children who depend upon you. If you are someone’s child, you have parents who’d worry about what’s happening to you.
Aside from your close family, you have other people who want to see you doing well. While you may not see them everyday, you are still someone who matters to someone else. It may be a far relative or a co-worker. It may be a former classmate or a friend.
You may not feel it now, but you are still connected to a lot of people. They care for you. And you try to take care of yourself for them as well.
For Those You Haven’t Met Yet
Your life would still go and you will continue to make new friends and acquaintances. You will meet people who will care for you. People whose lives would be better because they have met you.
They may not have a face yet in your mind today, but they, too, would want to see you survive.
How Do You Start Taking Care of Yourself?
When you are grieving, even the simple things don’t seem to be that simple anymore. You may feel that the routine you have practiced daily has suddenly become burdensome. But you must do even the basic things for your survival. Don’t think about the far future. Just do what you have to do for the day.
Here are some things you should consider doing daily:
1. Eat your meals
There’s nothing as important for your survival as eating your meals. Your physical body needs to be nourished to go on. Even the task of crying would be a struggle if you don’t even have the strength to cry.
2. Get enough sleep
Why not use your time of sleep to rest your aching heart? Let your body find time to recover the strength you have lost. Surrender your worries as you let body and mind rest for the night.
3. Move a little
While you should take some time to rest, you should also remember to have some exercise. Move a little. Take a short walk outside. The sunshine and the fresh air would be good for your recovery and healing.
4. Take a shower
You shouldn’t forget your hygiene even when you grieve. A warm bath could make a lot of difference while you’re healing.
Final Thoughts
Time may have stopped for the loved one you have lost, but don’t let time stop for your life as well. Don’t you know that a part of your loved one still lives on within you?
You have the responsibility to live your life in such a way that could honor the memory of your loved one. Live for those whom you have lost as though they are still in the world, touching other people, moving lives and making this world a happier place to be.
In Your Hour of Grief
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Check Jocelyn's books:
"Of Waves and Butterflies: Poems on Grief", "Mend My Broken Heart", "Questions to God", "To Love an Invisible God", "Defending My Catholic Faith", and more - click here.
(You may freely quote excerpts from this website as long as due credit is given to author Jocelyn Soriano and the website itakeoffthemask.com)