But let me tell you first how I searched for it in times of despair. For it is during such times when we dare to break free from everything we’ve ever learned. It is during such times when we can so sense the nearness of death that we can see things in a very different perspective, as though we are seeing everything for the very first time.
In times like that I ask so many questions like “Who am I really?”, “What am I doing here?”, “What is life all about?”, “Is there really a God?”, “And if there is, what is He doing right now to save me?”
In previous cases, the religious fanatic in me would easily freak out and reprimand me. I’d tell myself, “Who am I to ask all these questions? What kind of spirit has possessed me to question even the existence of God? Oh you of little faith, why do you doubt?!” These questions may quiet me for a while and give me shame, but still, my doubts remain, and my faith stands as weak as before. Not that I know so little of my faith. I am a baptized Catholic, I’ve studied in an exclusive Catholic school and have a very solid grasp of the teachings of the Church. I have even read the Bible from cover to cover! But sometimes, mere knowledge does not help you in times of trouble. Mere rules don’t quench our thirst when we thirst for the truth we so desire.
Later I’ve learned that it is really not so bad to start asking questions. It is not so bad to desire to find the answers that will satisfy the questions in our mind. In fact, it is here when we start the exciting and satisfying journey towards the truth we’re all searching for.
Many people walk through life constantly ignoring these questions. And it is no wonder that they spend an entire lifetime living only half awake and half aware of the fullness of life God so desires us to experience. Many people easily content themselves believing what others have preached or written, as though they do not have minds of their own to ponder and appreciate the wisdom that gives each person a clear understanding of his many thoughts. What’s funny is that it is often these people who judge us when we don’t follow the teachings they observe, or when we start to ask questions that they can’t even answer.
I tell you, if you want to search for the truth, don’t mind these people. It is these people who have always opposed Jesus, the ones he called hypocrites, those whose righteousness will never be fit to deserve heaven. Seek with no reservations. Seek with courage. Seek with all your might! For it is your life anyway. It is your happiness. Seek for it and do not become weary. For it is only through seeking that we find. And it is only by admitting we are thirsty that we are filled.
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wow…God is so talking to me. Thanks
Welcome, Shauna!