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Dear Joyce

Dear Joyce… Afraid of Being Alone

Dear Joyce,

I am so willing to forgive that when people do me wrong no matter what, I always accept them back into my life no matter when they choose to come back. The problem is that I have a hard time letting go of what has happened. I believe that my hard time letting go started with my father abandoning my family but whenever he came back I still let him just for him to leave again and come back over and over, even though it always hurt. Now this is happening with my friendships and my relationships. I obsess over why things went wrong and how I could make it better and everytime they want to be my friends/lovers again I let them come back into my life even though I still havent let go of the pain of what they’ve done to me. My mom thinks I have a fear of just being alone. How can I help myself to be ok with being alone?

From Lola

RESPONSE FROM JOYCE

Dear Lola,

It seems your problem with easily accepting back the people who hurt you is related to your fear of being alone. Deep within you, even if you said you already forgave them, you may still feel the pain of what they did to you. Deep within, something still felt unfair. However, since you’re afraid of being alone, you prefer to have them back.

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Dear Joyce

Dear Joyce… If I Can Move On

Dear Joyce,

i am going through a very rough time, my husband for 10 years just suddenly left me and my 2 kids for a younger woman he just met in HK. my husband worked in Macau and he lost his job late June. I was in China that time and i asked him to go to HK to get a china visa to stay with me.. but when he went to HK, he met this woman and for only 2 weeks, he left us.. he told our friends he doesn’t have plans of coming back to me and that he is happy and so in love. my husband cheated on me before, and every time i will ask him to let me go. but he wouldn’t let me..he always say he doesn’t want to have a broken family.. that he is only weak to fight temptations and he loves our family and our kids so much.. so this time, i was so hurt, for such a short time, he left me without saying anything. i just got to know it from my friends and Facebook. he even posted some pictures of him and the girl.. my kids are affected already, especially my eldest, she is very close to her dad. but she saw the pictures that were posted in fb so my daughter is now angry with her dad. this made me very angry and hurt but i still feel that there is something wrong… can you really fall in love with someone that fast that you can forget about your family? i still don’t understand. I love my husband so much… i just don’t know if i can get over him and if i can move on… please help me .. please pray for me…

From Whey

RESPONSE FROM JOYCE

Dear Whey,

God loves you and your kids. In Him rests my certainty that you will be able to get over your husband and find a new life that relies on God’s providence and protection.

Whenever we part ways with someone, we have so many questions in mind, and this includes your question on whether it is possible to fall in love with someone that fast.

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Dear Joyce

Dear Joyce… My Husband Had an Affair

Dear Joyce,

I’ve recently found out that my husband has had an affair working abroad. When he came home for vacation, I confronted him. The first reaction of course was denial. After providing him the proof that I found, he told me that he didn’t love the girl but only had a relationship with her for “financial gain”, saying that she was a client of his buying gadgets from him & also that he wanted to boost his ego & see if he can still attract other women. I told him to end his affair in front of me by calling the other woman. He hesitated for a while & said that it wasn’t her fault but his. To make it easier for him, I decided to call her instead. I spoke to her in front of him. I found out that she didn’t know he was married & has a family. I told her the truth & asked her to just stay away now that she knows. After all this, my husband asked for forgiveness & another chance to make things right. I said yes of course because I love him so very much & for the sake of our children. However, now that he is back there, I have all these doubts & anger inside me. I am always sad & depressed & I’m having a hard time moving about & doing the normal routine I do as a housewife. Everytime my husband & I talk, I always end up fighting him & being miserable. My husband is very sad & I feel that he is getting frustrated with what is going on. Joyce, I am very angry & still hurting from what he did. I can’t seem to forget & truly forgive him. Yet I still very much love him & don’t want to lose him. I don’t know what to do. How & where do I start to move on. I am just so broken right now. Please help me. Thank you so much.

Sincerely,
Jewel

RESPONSE FROM JOYCE

Dear Jewel,

I admire you for your courage to fight for your love and for your family, and for your willingness to forgive and to keep the relationship. It’s not an easy challenge that you’re going through. It will take much effort, prayers and cooperation between you and your husband to be able to restore what has been broken. It will also take time and lots of patience. The important thing is the progress that you see each day and the desire within you why you want to make this relationship work.

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Dear Joyce

Dear Joyce… I Feel So Hurt!

My ex-boyfriend and I had our much long awaited closure last night. We haven’t spoken for more than a year. I felt that last night was the right time for us to thresh out all the pains and hurts. We both asked forgiveness from one another and the closure finally happened.

The problem is I feel so hurt now and I hate myself for not being loved anymore by this person. I feel so bad at the moment. But I am fighting hard to overcome the pain. please help me.

From Marianne

RESPONSE FROM JOYCE

Dear Marianne,

Many times, even if we knew we did the right thing, we still can’t help but feel the pain, for we have loved after all. We have given our hearts to another person, and now it’s time to let that person go. There’s always something painful about goodbyes. We feel that we are parting not only from a certain person, but from a certain part of ourselves.

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Dear Joyce

Dear Joyce… Taking Up a Course I Don’t Like

Dear Joyce and other readers,

i was just browsing in the web searching for some inspirational blogs to read and i saw this website. i am so depress right now, i don’t really know what to do. i am a sophomore college student taking up a course of bs electronics and communications engineering, i only take this course because it is what my aunt wants me to take, my aunt is the one who spends for my education, i already said to her that i’m having a hard time studying because i’m not good in math and i’m not interested in my studies, but she didn’t listen. my parents don’t seem to care, they don’t even know what i’m going through because we are a broken family. i am really having a tough time now, my grades are falling and i don’t wan that. i always procrastinate. what should i do? please reply. i need some advice.

From Jalyn

RESPONSE FROM JOYCE

Dear Jalyn,

I can understand how tough it must be. Even in my 2nd year in college, I still wanted to shift course, though I wasn’t able to. It was only after years of working that I started to have the resources and the courage I needed to pursue what I really wanted to do, which is to write.

So don’t give up! It’s not the end of everything. You can still do something with your life and turn it around into something you’ve always dreamed of!

Right now, I guess you have two choices. One is to continue studying the course you don’t like, then get a job that could pay you enough in order to study again. The other one is to get a part-time job or a scholarship that could help you pay for your own education so you can take the course you really want! If I had the courage then, I would have taken the second option.

But before you make any major decisions, promise me that you will pray about it first! God often has another way of turning things around, ways we could never have thought about. Be blessed, Jalyn and keep in touch. You’re never alone.

With Love,
JOYCE