Dear Joyce,
I am so willing to forgive that when people do me wrong no matter what, I always accept them back into my life no matter when they choose to come back. The problem is that I have a hard time letting go of what has happened. I believe that my hard time letting go started with my father abandoning my family but whenever he came back I still let him just for him to leave again and come back over and over, even though it always hurt. Now this is happening with my friendships and my relationships. I obsess over why things went wrong and how I could make it better and everytime they want to be my friends/lovers again I let them come back into my life even though I still havent let go of the pain of what they’ve done to me. My mom thinks I have a fear of just being alone. How can I help myself to be ok with being alone?
From Lola
RESPONSE FROM JOYCE
Dear Lola,
It seems your problem with easily accepting back the people who hurt you is related to your fear of being alone. Deep within you, even if you said you already forgave them, you may still feel the pain of what they did to you. Deep within, something still felt unfair. However, since you’re afraid of being alone, you prefer to have them back.