Categories
Words of Wisdom

Love Is Not a Goal

love is not a goal 2012There comes a time when we focus on a goal so much that we forget what really prompted us to reach for that goal in the first place.

Why try to achieve that goal? Why work so hard? Why dream at all if not for love?

Love after all, is what often propels us to seek out our goals. But how often have we forgotten it in our pursuit of lesser things?

Hence, when delays and other setbacks happen, our hearts become easily gripped with impatience and fear. Our inspiration turns into desperation. And anxiety soon fills out the void where love once was.

Love after all is not a goal. In that perfect moment where love is, we are satisfied and we pursue not other things just to make us happy. We are already happy, and we seek out only to accomplish other things because we already overflow.

But everytime we focus more on our goals than with our reason behind those goals, love takes a backseat and is easily forgotten.

See how even good things can rival love. Even good works can lead us to much frustration when they don’t yield for us the fruits we want.

When we focus more on such goals and then lose God’s very Presence along the way, we lose the presence of love, and everything soon loses its meaning, even the goals we seek.

How are you feeling today? If stress and anxiety are beginning to take its toll, ask yourself if you’re slowly losing the very presence of love.

Categories
relationships

Why Can’t We Feel That We Are Loved?

why can't we feel that we are loved 2012I believe that there is a hunger in each and every person to be loved.

Our question now is why we can’t often feel that we are loved as much as we wanted to be loved. Why can’t we fill that hunger to the full? Why can’t we feel that we are truly loved?

1. Because we are not showing others who we really are

Unless we are able to show our true selves, we can’t achieve true intimacy. Even if we get others to love the masks we wear, we would still feel lonely because we know that the person they love isn’t the person we really are.

This is the reason why many books about making someone fall in love with you or getting your ex back doesn’t work. These books tell only half the story. They cater to what the other person wants to see, not to how we are truly seen.

If you want to be loved as you are, you have to have the courage to reveal who you really are and to be loved for that, warts and all, strengths and weaknesses, beauty and flaws.

2. Because we are not allowing ourselves to receive love

There are many of us who would rather give love than receive love. It is good if we are not really starving for love deep within and if we are overflowing with love from a greater Source, from God. But if we are merely trying to hide that hunger and if we are afraid to ask for what we need, how could we ever receive love? Sometimes, we also have to give others the chance to care for us. Let us not let our pride get in the way of receiving love.

3. Because we are not acknowledging other people’s ways of loving us

We may not feel loved because we are not acknowledging other people’s ways of loving us. Other people may not always say that they love us, but they may show it by their works, by their loyalty and devotion. We may not always receive the most expensive gifts, but our beloved may already be giving us his very best. There are different ways of showing love, but only we could decide if we are going to receive the love we are shown.

4. Because we devote more time and attention to people who don’t really care for us

Why do we spend so much time with people who don’t really care for us? We build our world around these people and then feel shattered when we can’t receive from them all that we have expected from the start. When they tell us they don’t care, we say to ourselves, “nobody really cares”, when we know that isn’t true. Only a few people didn’t care, and their coldness blinded our eyes from receiving what other people around us can still offer us. Let us learn to let go of those people who don’t really love us and let us give more time to those who truly care.

Love isn’t always that far away. We may just be looking at different things or we may not be looking closely enough to see it.

Categories
Words of Wisdom

Why Do We Need Someone to Love?

why do we need someone to love 2012Why do we need someone to love?

Because it gives us a purpose, a purpose other than our own selves.

Because it gives meaning to everything we do. We need that person for whom we could offer our work, our time, our beauty, our best ideals, our noblest thoughts, our purest intentions.

Because we need someone else to see that we still exist. Without someone else, what could all the Universe mean but empty space?

Because it keeps us from being stuck within ourselves and helps the life we have to flow outwards unto another. Without that other person, we are not prompted to grow, we are not allowed to get out of our own prisons but remain just as we have always been, almost motionless, almost without need to be freed.

Because we want to feel that we matter, and that it makes sense to know that we are still alive, and that it has made a difference that we have ever lived. When we return to dust from which we have come, what proof shall there be that we really have a soul if we have not loved at all?

When the breeze blew from the turret,
as I parted his hair,
it wounded my neck
with its gentle hand,
suspending all my senses.
I abandoned and forgot myself,
laying my face on my Beloved,
all things ceased; I went out from myself,
leaving my cares
forgotten among the lilies. – Dark Night

Categories
Words of Wisdom

What is the Meaning of Your Life Right Now?

what is the meaning of your life right now 2012Many times, it isn’t the difficulty we’re experiencing that truly matters, but the meaning we’re able to give to whatever it is we’re going through.

What is the meaning of your life right now?  If you are hurting, what meaning could you possibly give to your sufferings?  If you are joyful, what meaning have you found in your happiness?

It could be that you’ve just lost someone you really loved, and this grief is saying that the meaning of your life right now is called LETTING GO.

It could be that you’ve been hurt so bad by someone who was supposed to protect you, and thus the meaning of your present days could be one of FORGIVENESS.

It could be that you’re pursuing a dream, but its fulfilment seem so far away and the only word you could hold on to right now is PERSEVERANCE.

It could be that you’ve tried everything to solve a problem but every path still seems to be blocked.  If so, the meaning of your life at the moment could be called HOPE.

It could be that you’ve spent your whole life trying to build something, but in one moment a catastrophe happens and destroys everything you’ve ever built.  And thus the meaning of your life could be called STARTING OVER.

It could be that you’re facing problems that seem bigger than everything you’re capable of and for the first time, you’re being led out of your comfort zone.  If so, the meaning of your life could be one of ADVENTURE or of building greater STRENGTH.

It could be that all your life, you’ve always been the one giving and taking care of other people and now you feel tired and drained.  It could be time to ask yourself if time has come for the meaning of your life to change from GIVING to BEING ABLE TO RECEIVE.

It could be that your heart had been broken so many times before, but now a person comes, willing to prove to you that someone can still take care of your heart.  Afraid though you may be, the meaning of your life could now be LEARNING TO TRUST AGAIN.

It could be that you’ve always felt helpless and victimized and time has come when you have decided to claim power over your own life, and thus the meaning of your life now speaks of COURAGE and of FREEDOM.

Things may not always be the way you’ve always wanted them to be, but every experience could teach us something and could lead us into a far better place and a far better time.  What is the meaning of your life right now?  Could it be REFLECTION? Could it be CHANGE? In spite of everything else, may it be one of WISDOM, and may it always be filled with FAITH.

Categories
life coaching

The 7 Masks That Block Your Success

Healing all starts with unmasking our wounds. Whether it is financial healing, healing our self-esteem or healing broken relationships, we can’t achieve wholeness unless we first uncover what’s really wrong and what causes our hurts.

“Pain is unmasked, unmistakable evil; every man knows that something is wrong when he is being hurt.” – C.S. Lewis

Life Coaching by Unmasking is a method I use in LIFE COACHING where assistance is given to clients as they unmask their own blocks in life which keep them from achieving their true desires.  Unmasking usually happens in the following areas:

The Seven Masks That Block Your Success

  • masked wounds

Masked wounds are real wounds that exist but may have been so deeply covered, forgotten or ignored for so long that they appear to be almost non-existent except for the fact that they do affect the client’s life.  These wounds may manifest in some forms of defensiveness, fear or even choices and decisions made which seem to be misaligned with the other areas of the client’s life.  They often surface during problematic times or whenever a certain point of intimacy is reached with the client’s most important relationships.

  • masked gifts

Masked gifts are talents, skills and other potential of the client that remains to be tapped in order to live a full life and achieve one’s dreams.  Years of criticism, of living in an unhealthy and unsupportive environment may have buried such gifts and left the client believing he or she has no real gift to share to the people around him/her.  This is in turn connected to feelings of worthlessness, low self esteem or lack of purpose in life.

  • masked dreams

Masked dreams are the true desires of one’s heart.  These however may have been previously judged as unattainable, impractical or very difficult if not impossible to achieve.  In the process, the client may have exchanged this true dream to other dreams like a stable job.  However, even after reaching that new dream, one still feels lack of contentment or fulfillment, feeling as though something is wrong but one cannot clearly identify what it is.

This may also consist of thinking that another person’s dream is the client’s true dream.  The process then includes unmasking which is the real dream and which are those that belong to the clients loved ones.

Without unmasking one’s real dreams, one may feel a general LACK OF COMMITTMENT and a lack of motivation towards achieving one’s dreams.

  • masked relationships

Masked relationships are relationships that may be very important at the moment for the client and may even seem to be the ideal thing, but for one reason or another is bound to fail or is already failing for reasons the client may not see or may be afraid to see.

  • masked beliefs

Masked beliefs are those beliefs that the client truly has in one’s subconscious mind.  At the surface, the client may believe in a good and benevolent God.  In reality, the client may have strong beliefs deep within that contradicts this like God’s harsh justice, God failing him during some dark period in his life and God judging or condemning him whenever he fails to be perfect.

  • masked progress

Masked progress is being unaware of one’s true growth in a certain area in life.  For example, one may believe that one has already gained self confidence, but the truth is one has merely relied on some external things like job status or money to which one’s self confidence is attached.

On the other hand, one may have really achieved progress in one’s maturity in life, but one may think that the presence of certain problems in his life may indicate otherwise.  One then fails to notice that growth is often a growth in spirals.  Setbacks may be experienced now and then but he has in truth become stronger and wiser along the way.

  • masked fears

Masked fears are those that keep us from achieving many of our goals in life.  Such fears such as the fear of success may sabotage all our efforts towards reaching our ambitions.  Some other fears which the client may not be aware of are the fear of intimacy, the fear of being rejected, the fear of being alone and the fear of not being good enough.

It’s not easy removing our masks.  Sometimes, we don’t even know we’re wearing one. Years of repressing our dreams, our hurts or our many other frustrations have unknowingly buried our true selves within layers of defence and subsequent covering up of the things we can’t handle anymore.

But unless we do so, we’d fail to understand why despite our outward success, we still feel a certain emptiness deep within us.  Unless we do, we may fail to get to know our true strength, our true beauty, our true gifts which can bless the people we love the most.

It is only by unmasking our pain that we can find the wounds beneath the mask, and it is only by finding those wounds that our healing could ever begin. May you find your way to healing.  May you find your way to joy!

“Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.” – Kahlil Gibran

“I bare my nakedness to the world that the world may see who I am; not the mask that hides my flaws, not the mask that hides my beauty.  I bask in the light and I TAKE OFF THE MASK!”- Joyce