My Lord, I’ve been bed-ridden for so long that I could hardly remember the time I’ve been well enough to take a simple walk out of my garden. I’ve been suffering night and day and the pangs of pain seem to get stronger with the passing of each day. I am losing hope of ever getting any better, of being well again.
And my pain only doubles up whenever I see the suffering of my own family. I know how much they miss the person I used to be. I know the troubles they gothrough to put up happy faces infront of me while hiding away their own pain. They don’t want me to worry so they say that everything’s fine. But I know that things are not so fine anymore. Surely by now the house is already mortgaged and the kids are working triple time just so they can pay the loan. Surely by now prospects of a new business project is dim and my wife is pulling herself two ways – attending to me and worrying about our financial distress. I should be the man of the house.
I should be the one taking care of my family. But here am I lying in bed, waiting for my hour when I shall shatter their hearts again just so I can escape from pain. Forgive me God for my waning courage. Forgive me for giving up hope at the time it is needed most.
I come before you almighty Healer. If my time has truly come, let it be so. But I will not give up without a fight. I trust in your goodness and unfailing love. I trust that the miracles you did you still do today and if only you will will it, you can heal me. You can save me and my loved ones from these dark days that have sapped all our laughter and our hope. Touch me O God with your healing power, forgive me of my sins and let me arise from this bed, whole and willing to serve you strongly once again!
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Temperley then asserts, “The ‘sickliness’ of Turkey obsessed Nicholas during his whole reign. What he really said was omitted in the Blue Book from a mistaken sense of decorum. He said not the ‘sick man’ but the ‘bear dies the bear is dying you may give him musk but even musk will not long keep him alive.’”
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