My Lord, you know how hard I tried to break free from this habit that controls me. You know how hard I tried to resist this alcohol abuse, this momentary pleasure whose price I cannot afford to pay. I tried so hard my Lord, but I have failed you over and over and over again. Because everytime my loneliness haunts me, everytime my fears arouses panic within me, everytime I’m hurt and confused and I don’t know what to do, everytime I’m miserable deep inside and I need real help, I run to the bottle that has long been my sole friend and savior. I run to the bottle instead of running unto you.
How I wanted to run to you, but it seemed so much easier to reach for the bottle than to reach out my hand to you. It seemed so much easier to escape, to numb my senses as though I were already dead. It seemed so easier to pretend nothing’s wrong, to act out courage at times when I have so much fear within me. I thought that by trying to run away, I can forget my troubles. I thought that by numbing my senses, I can completely escape from the pain.
But O, how wrong was I indeed! For in exchange for brief moments of forgetfulness, my troubles return with twice the problems I already had. In exchange for brief moments of relief, I end up hurting myself more and those that I love so much. How can I even take back the curses I gave my children? The hurt I’ve allowed my wife to suffer? How can I ever respect the man who has allowed himself to be enslaved for a few moments of illusion and relief? There is no real relief except that which comes from courageously facing one’s problems. There is no real salvation except that which comes from a true change of heart.
Help me O Lord, that I may break free from this habit that enslaves me. Let me not exchange my royal heritage for a mere glass of wine. Save me from the monster I become whenever I fail to recognize the child of God that lives in me. Indeed, you have not given me a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power to overcome my troubles, of love to be responsible for the lives of those whom I touch, and of a sound mind filled with wisdom, capable of choosing the things of eternal worth over the things that will not last. It will not be an easy task, and I know that I will die for every cup of wine I will refuse with my thirsty flesh. But I dare to reclaim my soul O God. I dare to drink from the well of salvation from which I shall never thirst again.
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