How Do I Know If He Really Loves Me?
If he really loves me, why is he cheating on me? If he really loves me, why is he afraid to commit to our relationship? And why does he keep on hurting me with words that humiliate me?
Our Definition of Love
Back when we were kids, we used to define love in our slam books and essays. We used to be so sure what it meant. When we grew up, so many people have shared their own definitions of it with us, and convinced us how wrong we were.
We were’nt realistic. We’re too idealistic! We’ve believed in fairytales for far too long.
Soon we no longer knew what love really is or if it even exists at all!
We Still Yearn For Love
Deep within howerver, we still yearned for love. We feel this ache in us, this emptiness that we strive to fill again and again with the wrong kinds of affection.
Signs of Love
How do we know if a person really loves us? Is it enough that he or she tells us so?
It is never enough to merely say it. Love is an active and powerful force that needs to be expressed, and that must be manifested in countless different ways. It may not be easy to define what love really is, but we can see the signs by which it makes itself visible:
To be respected is to be valued as a person, and for our needs to be taken into consideration, especially those needs accorded to our dignity as human beings.
In my article “Why Is Respect Important In a Relationship?”, I’ve discussed in more detail why love and respect must always go hand in hand.
We can’t say somebody loves us if that person can’t even respect our feelings. If we are constantly ignored, or threatened or forced to do something against our will, respect is absent, and we should doubt the authenticity of the ‘love’ being offered us.
On the other hand, if our needs are taken at heart, and if we feel safe and protected, if we feel valued as a person, it is one indication that love may indeed be present or can be allowed to grow.
Another sign of love is the ability of the person to commit to the relationship. To be able to devote ourselves is to be able to give of ourselves to something we truly believe in, to something we value most of all.
Commitment is when the other person is willing to devote his time, effort and emotions into the relationship in order to protect it, to cherish it, and to make it grow.
One sure sign of what we value most in life is the time we spend in it. Is work most important to you? Then you must spend a lot of time in it. Are your friends valuable to you? Then you must hang out with them a lot. Is your garden important to you? Then you must spend a lot of time taking out the weeds and watering your plants. Is he devoted to you? Take a look at the time he spends with you. It’s not that he should have no other things to do but hang around with you, but sometimes it’s so obvious how he spends time with seemingly unimportant matters but refuses to spend time to make your relationship grow.
Commitment is a sign of responsibility. It’s something that separates those who just wants to have a good time from those who really seek a love that would last a lifetime.
Faithfulness is not only being loyal, but in being true.
Is your partner truthful to you, or is he lying most of the time? If he is concealing a lot of things to you, then trust can never be developed. If trust isn’t developed, love also falls apart. For how could you trust anyone whom you don’t really know? How can you believe in his words when he has misrepresented himself most of the time?
Being faitfhful to you means you’re not being treated as a mere object for fun or entertainment. It means you are not being used as a replacement for anybody else.
Faithfulness manifests purity of intention in a relationship, something that if carried consistently will deter painful relationship issues in the future such as cheating and betrayal.
Respect, commitment and faithfulness. They seem like old words, but they’re never outdated. They help you find authentic love. They help you find the right people who will not play around with your feelings and then throw you away like trash later on. Look for these signs, and then look for their CONSISTENCY. We can still find what we’re looking for, we need only to look in the right places, and with the right kind of eyes.
The best partner in life is someone who will help us to love ourselves more!