It Takes Two to Make a Relationship Work

I’ve realized that in order for a relationship to work, both parties must be willing and interested to work out the relationship.  It can never work when only one person cares about it.

This is the reason why God respects our freewill, because He doesn’t want to force us just to love Him back.  It can never work out that way.  Even if God is all too willing to give us the best things, His love wouldn’t be able to form a relationship with us unless we are willing to receive that which is being given us.

Even The Sincerest Affection Can Be Ignored

In human relationships, our love, no matter how sincere it may be could also be rejected or ignored.  Though we do not love as unconditionally as God loves, we have a certain capacity to go on loving another person even if that person doesn’t love us back.  Still, without being able to respond to our love, a relationship is not truly forged, and both could not reap the sweet fruits of a truly meaningful and mutual relationship.

Why We Fall For Another Person

It can happen that we fall in love with a certain person because we see something beautiful in him, something he may not even see in himself.  Seeing this beauty that we may also have failed to find or develop in ourselves, we transfer all our love to that person who has it, and that person becomes our world, the very meaning of our lives.

Why The Relationship Doesn’t Work

That person however may not support us back, he may not even love himself the way we love him.  Thus, his actions do not produce a return flow of love either towards himself or towards us.  He is like a cistern with many holes that never gets filled, and that never really gets happy and satisfied.

For this reason, we don’t feel satisfied too, for all that we want is his happiness, for we have anchored our happiness upon his.

One question would be, “Why does he still maintain the superficial relationship if he doesn’t care so much about it?” Maybe he still derives some benefit from it, like someone who can always listen to his complaints or someone who could keep him company or maybe he just feels obliged somewhat to return the favor.

But he is not as attached to the relationship as the other person is because he may not have seen the beauty in the other person to really capture his heart.  His heart may also be closed such that he can’t accept anybody in it.  Or he could have a lot of filters, he wants some form or type of love which the other person couldn’t offer him.

Not having found his pearl of great price, he has the tendency to desert the relationship anytime.  Note that even while he is in the relationship, he is not happy and is not able to avail of the full benefits of the relationship.  He could then threaten to leave anytime whenever he finds another relationship that gives him the same benefits or even more, or whenever he already feels uncomfortable, irritated or guilty by being unable to meet the demands of the other person.

Do you have a true relationship with both people mutually working out for its good?

Check Jocelyn's books:

"Of Waves and Butterflies: Poems on Grief", "Mend My Broken Heart", "Questions to God", "To Love an Invisible God", "Defending My Catholic Faith", and more - click here.

(You may freely quote excerpts from this website as long as due credit is given to author Jocelyn Soriano and the website itakeoffthemask.com)