One of the first things that get affected after a breakup is the person’s self-esteem. In our confusion, we often ask ourselves where we failed, what we lacked, what the other person wanted that we didn’t have. Rarely however could we find definite answers to everything we wanted to understand. The other person may not even be able to answer us as he may just be as confused as we are.
There may even be cases where after a long separation, the other person suddenly comes back, and with a contrite heart, asks for forgiveness and desires to restore our relationship with them. This brings about new questions within us and we ask ourselves if we have done something recently that got their attention or if we have somehow changed in such a way that we have become more attractive and worthy of love.
Though there may be some truth in these thoughts of ours, let us not forget that not every bad thing that happens in our relationships is our fault. People leave for many other reasons and come back for reasons only they could possibly explain to themselves.
Why did they leave us in the first place? Maybe they needed time to find out who they really are apart from the relationship. Why did they come back? Maybe only after finding out who they are could they appreciate our worth and see also the beauty in who we are.
We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are. – Anais Nin
Check Jocelyn's books:
"Of Waves and Butterflies: Poems on Grief", "Mend My Broken Heart", "Questions to God", "To Love an Invisible God", "Defending My Catholic Faith", and more - click here.
(You may freely quote excerpts from this website as long as due credit is given to author Jocelyn Soriano and the website itakeoffthemask.com)
3 replies on “Why Must They Leave? And Why Must They Come Back?”
Hi Joyce! I don’t really know if this article is the answer to my question. Last July my ex- boyfriend and I ended our relationship. It was sort of a closure for the 2 of us. I was very hurt with his decision not to give our relationship a second chance when until now I still love him very much. I tried my very best to move on and forget him. It was very difficult but I just had to go on with my life. I want to move on because I just need to for my sake and for the very purpose of self-preservation. I must admit, I missed him everyday. Still, I had to make a move to survive and not to fall into depression. Lately, he had become very friendly with me and I was very afraid of this. He texted me so often and I just replied using the usual answers. Last week, he began to text me and wanted to see me again. I refused because I was doubting this move. He would tell me that he also missed me badly. We agreed to start from the very beginning but still I am so afraid to take him back completely. I am also scared to drive him away since I know deep in my heart how much I love him. My greatest barrier is the fear that I might lose him again that is why I don’t want to take him back again. I know him very well and there are still issues in his life that he has to resolve. These issues are the ones that set him off-track from our relationship. I can’t get any answers as of this moment if has found resolutions about his issues. I know it’s too soon to ask much from him. But I am trying to protect myself from the pain. I don’t need the pain of abandonment anymore. It is too much for me to bear.
I am very much willing to take him back but I am so afraid to get hurt. I have already stormed the heavens on what I should do. Could you please offer some wisdom for this kind of situation?
Thank you and God bless you!
Marianne
Dear Marianne,
I can undestand the source of your fears. It’s but natural for us to fear being hurt again, especially by the same kind of pain. At the same time however, you don’t want to abandon someone you love and you want to be there for him, especially at a time when he really needs you.
Marianne, in this crisis, you first have to have a strong anchor or you might easily drift away and lose your path. When that happens, you also can’t help others because you have been lost yourself. First seek stillness and strength in God. He alone can give you the wisdom to know what to do in this situation. Find some quiet time and let go of all your concerns. Give God the opportunity to strengthen you and to comfort your anxieties.
When you have been duly filled with God’s strength, and when you know that you are no longer dependent upon your boyfriend for your happiness and peace, then maybe it’s time you could help him out to confront the issues in his life. Be blessed!
Yours In Prayer,
Joyce
Thank you, Joyce. I appreciate your response. I am definitely praying for peace of mind and freedom from the pains of the past. I also pray that my fear will not dominate my decisions. Fear is really something that hinders me to see things in a different perspective. What is even worse is that I am becoming suspicious of what he intends to tell me. Trust is still not there. Please help me pray as well. Thank you again!