We’re not always fortunate enough to be in the company of good and highly conscious people. There are times when we encounter selfish violent people who don’t even care what harm they do to others. How do you deal with those kinds of people?
Granted that they are only doing those things because they are not conscious enough, they do not know the harm they are doing to others and to themselves. It’s easy to understand it that way theoretically. But what if you have a real encounter with such a person? What if you discovered her saying things that damage your reputation behind your back? Or what if a person was just plain rude and gave you derogatory remarks in front of others? Would you still be able to understand? Will you not get angry?
Other people have a quick fix for this. They tell themselves that they wouldn’t get angry and take revenge because they don’t want to go down to that lower level where those people are. That’s a quick fix because it will immediately boost your ego to the detriment of the other person’s worth. She deserves it, right?
If you are truly highly conscious however, you know deep within that it doesn’t reflect the whole story. You know that the person was only lost and unaware of what she’s doing. But it doesn’t mean that that person is no longer valuable in God’s eyes. That doesn’t mean that the person no longer has a soul and no longer has the right to exist like you and me. So how do you do it? How do you treat a bad person?
Before you answer these questions, could you please ask yourself, “How do I want to be treated?” Not that you’re a bad person. Of course you’re not! If you ever did some bad things in your life, you didn’t mean it, and most of the time, you weren’t even “aware” you’re hurting other people already, right?
If I were that person, here’s how I want to be treated. I want to be treated with understanding and tolerance, because if I had known I would do something bad and I had the power not to do it, I wouldn’t do it. I know I’m not yet perfect, but I’m on my path to growth. I ‘m doing my best here to be the best person I could be. I want to be treated with respect, not like I’m some kind of lower being with no soul or hope of ever being redeemed into a better future. But I would also like to be stopped from doing harm. And I would like to be aware that I’m doing something bad. I would like to realize my faults so I could grow and do better.
So, how do you treat a bad person?
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Wow, this is a loaded question. Many, many years ago, I had a person in my life that was very hurtful on so many different levels. Of course, I was under age and that limited me to how I could handle it. Today, as an adult I would make the decision to cut all ties. If someone only wants ill for you, only wants to hurt you in some form, it is best to simply walk away. We can still pray for them and not hold any hate in our hearts toward them, however, a relationship is not necessary any longer. Those are my thoughts.
Thanks for this post. I liked what you said about understanding and tolerance. One of the things I try to do when I feel angry at someone is use it as an opportunity to learn about myself. There’s almost always a way that something they said triggered a place where I don’t feel okay about myself, and in that sense they can guide me to places where I can grow as a person.
Hi Jocelyn, I think you are in the right path. Apply the main law of life, treat people just like we want to be treated.
Thanks for the post, Jocelyn.
@Arswino - Thanks, Ino! Sometimes it’s not so easy to apply, but it’s worth doing.
You said it right, Chris! Sometimes, the things we don’t like about others are actually some of the things we can’t accept in ourselves.
@Positively Present - Yeah, I used to want to give them that as well (sometimes I still do
) But it’s really good to remember what’s right and to be able to do it as we gain courage and maturity.
i’m from china..and this is the first time i ‘ve come here..
i love this place very much.. =^_^=
(ummmm.. sorry.. my english is very poor… )
@Viola - Setting boundaries isn’t really easy, but we must do it, both for ourselves and for the people we love. Thanks, Viola!
@KitADA - A warm welcome to you, KitADA! I’m glad for your visit, and I hope you keep in touch
I had the opportunity when I worked as a psychologist to work with drug addicts in prison. Society would mark them all as bad people.
I could only work with them because I saw them as human beings who made poor and wrong choices. They have a core of goodness no one can take away nor anything they did could take a way.
I have a friend who says “only see the love.” Which means look past everything else.
As you say, every human being is not at the same level of awareness. As you realize duality is an illusion, you stop judging people as good or bad or anything else. You realize choosing to love and accept every being as they are is like choosing to love and acept yourself without condition. Dissolving conditioned beliefs and values can be challenging, yet nothing is beyond the realm of possibility. I discovered your blog through your comments on Julie’s blog. Good stuff!
Something happened many years ago that brought me right into the middle of your question. That experience solidified for me the understanding that every single human being is perfect just as we are; that each of us is truly beautiful. It’s just that our awareness of ourselves and our world, at any given moment, often leads us to behaving with other than pure love. We are not our behaviors. We are love. To see someone behaving badly and to define them as bad people is doing them and ourselves disservice. When we choose to accept any situation for what it is, all labels disappear and we keep our focus on love.
I think it is normal to get angry- but the key is to let it go and forgive, Not to let them off the hook but to set yourself and them free. You can also understand that they are doing the best with the information they have and that they have their own reasoning for doing what they did.
For me, it helps to look at others as a child of God, and then my perspective shifts. I find it easier to forgive.
It also helps to not judge. We never know what is going on in someone’s life to warrant a certain behavior.
Wonderful thoughts, Jocelyn.
I would certainly agree. thanks for this post, feels like I am blessed. Having people like them give me more opportunity to be the light and salt of this world.
@Tess - marking people as bad doesn’t really help anybody but isolates those who need help. At the same time, people who think they are better prevent themselves from seeing the goodness sprouting forth from the people they have judged.
@Liara - one of the most difficult things to do is really to dissolve our conditioned beliefs. Children have such good vibration because they don’t have so much of these beliefs yet.
@Julie - Beautiful words, Julie. We are not our behavior. We are love!
@Angie - Forgiveness is one lesson I’ve learned the hard way, but it’s definitely worth it.
@Jewel - Thanks for your thoughts, Jewel. It really helps to see each one as God’s beloved child.
@Mimi - You are blessed, indeed. And you are a blessing too, for the people who know you and learn much from your life.