Is Love Selfish?
By nature, we have an instinct to survive, to protect ourselves and to feel good. Love however, calls us to be beyond nature, and to think about others even more than we care for ourselves.
Some people may say that by loving others, we also make ourselves happy, we FEEL good, and so we continue doing so. We do a lot of good works, with the end product of making ourselves happy. In a way, we conclude that love is also selfish.
However, reflecting upon the dark night of the soul, especially one which Mother Teresa has experienced, I was able to dig deeper into the mysteries of love that clearly separates itself from the self-seeking love we have known from the world.
“Such deep longing for God – so deep that it is painful – a suffering continual – and yet not wanted by God – repulsed – empty – no faith – no love – no zeal. – Souls hold no attraction – Heaven means nothing – to me it looks like an empty place – the thought of it means nothing to me and yet this torturing longing for God.”-Mother Teresa
Mother Teresa didn’t FEEL good. She couldn’t even grasp the feeling of hope nor faith. And yet she continues to give her all for the God she loves, for other souls that could be saved.
How different the heights of such love from the easy and fun-filled shallow love the world recognizes. Today, it’s seems so easy to say I LOVE YOU, to say that one is filled with love. What kind of love do we profess to claim? Is it a love that cares most for its beloved? Or is it a love that cares only for the self?
I remember the sacrifice being made by millions of Filipino Overseas Workers who leave behind family, safety and comfort in order to give a better future for their loved ones, in order to earn enough money to give their children a good education. In their loneliness in faroff countries, they do not experience the presence of their loved ones, they couldn’t feel their warmth, their joyful embrace. And yet, even in that loneliness, they choose to sacrifice their personal happiness for the good of those whom they love.
“Pray for me, pray that I may have the courage to keep on smiling at Jesus – I understand a little the tortures of hell – without God. I have no words to express what I want to say, and yet last First Friday – knowingly and willingly I offered to the Sacred Heart – to pass even eternity in this terrible suffering, if this would give Him now a little more pleasure – or the love of a single soul. I want to speak – yet nothing comes – I find no words to express the depths of the darkness. In spite of it all – I am His little one – & I love Him – not for what He gives – but for what He takes…” – Mother Teresa
Check Jocelyn's books:
"Of Waves and Butterflies: Poems on Grief", "Mend My Broken Heart", "Questions to God", "To Love an Invisible God", "Defending My Catholic Faith", and more - click here.
(You may freely quote excerpts from this website as long as due credit is given to author Jocelyn Soriano and the website itakeoffthemask.com)
4 replies on “Is Love Selfish?”
I think that the act of making others happy is not selfish as long as it is not your end or your goal. Feeling good, in this case, is only incidental. And it is inevitable. It becomes selfish when we help other for our own satisfaction and for showing off.
@Nortehanon – That is a good perspective. When we use people just to be able to bring an advantage to ourselves, then it becomes selfish already.
I came here because I’m wondering if sometimes I love because it’s easier to love than to bear the bitterness of hate. But then, maybe that is God’s gift, protecting me from the poison of hatred by allowing me to love. I wonder if there is a choice between loving and hating, in the heart, not actions. Selfish or not, I suppose you can’t go wrong with love.
I’m gone to say to my little brother, that he
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