Should you be bad when other people are bad? Must the behavior of other people also affect your own behavior?
When we start the journey towards taking off our masks and becoming the person we truly are, we are often confronted with situations that seem to test just that – who we are.
It’s so tempting to be bad in the midst of bad people. To apply tooth for a tooth, and eye for an eye! We think within us that bad people don’t deserve good treatment anyway, why give it to them?
But there came a time when I felt that taking revenge, holding a grudge, and “being bad” in return for the bad things done to me does just that – continue to make me feel bad.
It doesn’t feel good trying to hurt other people, even if those people have hurt you so much already.
I wanted to be released from all the negativities I have imbibed. I just wanted to be healed, and holding a grudge certainly doesn’t help in one’s healing process.
I realized then that the behavior of other people doesn’t necessarily have to affect me, or to change who I am. If I wanted to find healing and strive for happiness, no person should ever be able to hinder me from doing so. No person should have that kind of power over me. It’s a difficult process just to be able to take off your mask and face yourself, don’t let other people dictate the kind of person you should become.
Check Jocelyn's books:
"Of Waves and Butterflies: Poems on Grief", "Mend My Broken Heart", "Questions to God", "To Love an Invisible God", "Defending My Catholic Faith", and more - click here.
(You may freely quote excerpts from this website as long as due credit is given to author Jocelyn Soriano and the website itakeoffthemask.com)
10 replies on “Should You Be Bad When Other People Are Bad?”
It’s tempting to be bad when others have been mean towards us. We want to inflict the same amount of pain to those who have done it to us. However, I guess that the person who hurt most is ourselves. We engulf ourselves in negativity and in toxic energy. Surprisingly if we change our attitude towards the other person, we may start to receive improved responses.
I enjoyed your tip about not letting others have power over me. Well said! Something that I need to remind myself of! Thank you 🙂
@Evelyn Lim – Hi Evelyn! We do hurt ourselves the most quite often, and as a result, find it hard to forgive ourselves too. We do need that change of attitude, and that kind of release from perfectionism which you have discussed earlier in your blog 😉
Hi Joyce,
You sometimes when someone gets kind of testy with me or hypercritical I’m tempted to “shoot right back” with nasty cutting words of my own, but I’m learning to hold my tongue. I’m consciously focusing on rising above this sort of quick reaction and finding the place within me that sees that the person is hurt, wounded or scared about something in their lives and that’s why they say or do what they do. It’s not about me – that’s what I say to myself and then I take a few deep breaths and ask for guidance as to how to best respond in the situation from a place of love and compassion.
It’s not easy – inside I sometimes feel as if I’m broiling believe me! I do hope that with time I will learn to curb my reaction and turn off the emotional stomach twisting that I feel during these situations.
@Angela Artemis – Hi Angela! You’ve added a good point in there. Many times, when a person says bad things to us, it isn’t really about us, but about the personal issues of the person who is talking. Hurt people hurt people. It takes a lot of practice and consciousness to remember it whenever we’re in that difficult situation, but I do hope I could be better at it as times goes on.
Joyce,
I, too, have learned the hard way that I just don’t feel good if I lash out at people, no matter how much they “deserve” it. I find I feel much better when I bring a happy attitude and pleasant smile to my interactions in a day, no matter how “small” the interchange might be, at the bank, on the phone, in the grocery store. And like Evelyn says, I tend to get pleasanter responses back. I’ve also learned how to stay detached when others attack me, whether it’s justified or not. I know it’s due to their own inner demons, and I try to have compassion.
I’ve just been re-reading A Little Princess by Frances Hodgson Burnett…Sarah Crewe is a model of forbearance and kindness in the face of adversity. I do admire strong character like that.
Best,
Linda
@Linda Wolf – Hi Linda! I’ve read your post at Powered by Intuition. I’ve also read your post about Personal Responsibility. And your reflections really relate to my realizations about owning our behavior and being responsible for our actions. You’re right when you mentioned that any resentment we feel towards others keeps us stuck as well. Detachment is indeed the KEY. 😉
Hi Joyce,
I love this sentence “No person should have that kind of power over me.” So very true in terms of relationships. We don’t want to give our power way. The behavior of others does not have to affect how we behave unless we let it. It’s totally up to us to choose how we feel and how we act regardless of what others have done. We can’t blame others for the choices we make in terms of our relationships or our behavior.
Thanks for this reminder. Loving blessings!
@Andrea – Blessings to you too, Andrea! May God keep us to be the best person we were truly destined to be, no matter what the situation is outside of us 😉
Hi Joyce! So true.. hurting back the person who hurt me does not give justice to my feelings it just add up to all the pain specially if once in your life you cared for that person. I choose so set my self free… free from all the negativities of the past. Let your peace and kindness kill them. And i always remember that God will renew me.
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