Why do we always seem to fall in love with the wrong person? And even after they’ve hurt us so much, why do we find it so hard to let them go?

For most of us, a certain pattern seems to repeat itself. We fall in love with the wrong person, we get hurt, and then we fall in love again with someone who will only hurt us in the end. Our pain becomes deeper because the people we’ve counted on to heal us only brought us greater disappointments and hurts.

Eventually, we feel there’s something terribly wrong with us, the reason why we can’t be loved or even respected, the reason why people always leave us in the end.

In our desperation, we cling to the only available person who can be there for us, even if that person cannot treat us well. In some cases, we make our own illusions about the person, ideals we project on them even if we know they can’t really satisfy our needs.

Soon we can’t even remember what our needs really were. We get so focused on meeting the needs of the people whose affections we desire that we fail to recognize and respect our own feelings and needs. We lose our identity and self-esteem. And then we lose the interest of the very people we have tried to please.

If you could recognize this pattern, know that not everything is lost. You’re not cursed. You’re not unworthy. You’re not hopeless. Things have happened for a reason, and it’s time we do something about it.

Why do we fall in love with the wrong person?

1. We’re just so lonely that we want the company and validation of other people even if we’re not really compatible with them.

Some personalities naturally clash. Some issues are very difficult to address in a short span of time, especially when mixed with other issues. No matter how much we want to, there are some people who can better assist us at certain stages in our lives, especially while we’re healing or learning to dream again. We have to find those people, and let go for a while those who might only stunt our growth.

Many times however, when we’re so lonely, we just don’t care about these things. We just don’t want to be alone! Being alone becomes like a phobia, a fear so great it cripples us from doing anything else.

Where is this fear coming from? Was it due to peer pressure or to influences from the media? Does it have anything to do with your old childhood issues and neglect? Were you made to believe you could never be “complete” on your own?

There is a big difference between loneliness and solitude. Solitude is when you’re alone but you’re still in touch with your source of life. Loneliness can grip you even when you’re with other people. It’s when you feel “cut-off” from the source of your natural joy, from life.

How lonely are you right now? Is your loneliness so great it can’t really be addressed adequately even if you’re with another person?

2. We seek a trait we lack but desire to have in another person who has it.

It is said that the people we admire most possess certain traits we’d like to have for ourselves. It can be anything from being funny, intelligent, confident, adventurous, or even holy.

These are the traits we often find lovable in a person, traits we want to acquire in order to become lovable as well.

When we find people with these traits and become their partners, we feel as though we have also acquired these traits through affiliation. Finally, we become whole, we forget whatever it is that we lack.

But what if the person who possess such a trait also has other traits that are not really desirable, or even harmful? One example is when we find an adventurous person, but with a violent streak. Is it worth it? Would you like to have his exciting life even if he hurts you physically and emotionally?

Can you not find this trait in another person who is in control of himself? Or can you not try to grow this trait into your own character? It may be that you’ve been overprotected or restricted as a child and you now long for freedom to express yourself. But can you not do that with other supportive friends who will not damage your self-respect?

3. We project an illusion of our ideals instead of seeing other people as they really are.

Are you really in love? Or are you just in love with the idea of being in love?

Do you really love your partner? Or are you just in love with your illusion of who he/she is?

We fall in love with the wrong people when we’re so wrapped up in our illusions that we become blind to the true character of the people we become intimate with.

In this situation, it’s like we’re actually using a person, any availble person we can cling on to in order to feed our ideals which they may never be able to satisfy. We demand from them things they could never give us. We want to turn them into persons they could never really become.

In order to find true happiness, we must also accept the truth about other people. It’s the only way to let go of those you don’t really want and then give yourself the chance to find someone you truly desire.

4. We don’t know what we really want in a person.

Have you so forgotten your own needs that you also forgot what you truly want in your life partner?

I’ve noticed that people who easily found their partners were the ones who had a clear idea of what they wanted in the other person.

They have been allowed to dream, and they truly believed they can someday meet people who can make them happy.

True love demands truthfulness from your heart. Even if you find certain people you can be with for the moment, you’d just end up pushing them away if you can’t really find the heart to love them.

Dare to find out what your heart really desires. Only then can your prayers truly be answered.

5. We can’t believe we’re good enough to find better people.

It may be that we do know what we’re looking for in a person. We know exactly the kind of people who could make us happy. But along the way, we were convinced we could never really find them. We were made to believe we don’t deserve them or that they don’t even exist at all!

How many times have you been told your standards were too high? Does it mean you have to lie to yourself and settle for someone you don’t really like? Isn’t it unfair for you and that person? Why can’t you believe you’re good enough to find the person you truly deserve?

To really fall in love is not a tedious obligation to be performed, but a blessed opportunity to be grateful for! What kind of person will make your heart leap with joy? What kind of partner can make you feel God loves you?

To fall in love with the right person is to receive a wonderful gift from God! Which person will you consider as that? As God’s “precious gift” to you?

Falling in love with the wrong people doesn’t mean we don’t deserve to be loved fully. It doesn’t mean we couldn’t find the right people who will give us authentic love and lasting joy. But it does mean that we have to make some changes that will break our previous pattern of hurts and start a new process of healing and growth.

It means giving ourselves the time and space we need in order to see ourselves in a whole new perspective, to see the unique and beautiful person who also deserves to be respected and loved.

Be the right person for the right person at the right time! Don’t fill the empty space in your heart with anything less than God’s best plan for you. Await for His gift and believe that you have always been loved by One who will never give up on you!

You may also want to read: How Do I Know If He Really Loves Me?

How do you find stillness amidst the storm of all your daily concerns? How do you find peace when there are mouths that need to be fed, when there are expectations that need to be met, when people around you are hurting and counting upon you alone?

Why seek stillness at all?

When we are faced with grave difficulties, our instincts often lead us to our fight or flight mechanism.  We are alarmed, we panic, and we move just for the sake of moving, as though by worrying and keeping busy, we are already addressing the problem at hand.  But are we?

To seek stillness is to seek a solution first before wasting our time with useless efforts that only make us tired and exhausted later on.  To seek stillness is to have a clear mind that can give us true guidance.  It is to be able to tap into a source of power before spending our energies in futile tasks.

It is said that worry is like a rocking chair.  It gives you something to do but gets you nowhere.

If you truly want to help the people around you, if you truly desire to find the answer to your problem, you must begin from a place of power, not from a place of fear.

It is foolish to set out on a journey to a place you’ve never known before without acquiring a map first, but that’s what we do.  We set about in our actions even before knowing the best thing to do, even before trying to be still.

To be still is not to waste precious time doing nothing. To be still is to spend useful moments contemplating and receiving the true answer to your concerns.

How Do You Know You’ve Entered Into Stillness?

You will know that you have entered into a place of stillness when you are no longer preoccupied with your worries.  Physical stillness is not enough, for your mind could be racing on so many thoughts even as you sit still.

If the raging tides of the seas symbolize your worries and anxieties, it is the calm undisturbed waters of the deep that will represent your stillness.  Deep in the waters, there is a place that is untouched by all the raging currents at the surface.  That’s the place of stillness.  It doesn’t mean that every storm has subsided, it just means you’ve entered a place where you can be calm even amidst the many storms around you.

The Door To Stillness

Sometimes we wonder why God had to wait until we’re tired and worn out, until we’ve finally given up before He gives us what we want.

And the answer is that we have made Him wait that long before we allowed Him to carry on His work and give us what it is we’ve been praying for.

We don’t enter into stillness as a sign of our triumphs.  We enter into stillness because we finally surrender.  We acknowledge our hurts, our fears and our disappointments.  We acknowledge that we don’t know what to do next.  We acknowledge that we need to pause and to retreat for a while because our powers are no longer sufficient to carry us through the rough times ahead.

To be still is to surrender, and there is great power in surrender!

“Be still and know that I am God.”

Most people do not accomplish everything they are capable of doing because they have not come to the end of themselves and the beginning of their God-ordained destiny.

Have you come to the end of your self?  To the ends and limits of your own powers? Then you have just arrived at the door of stillness.  Go ahead.  Open the door, and you will find the answer you’re looking for.

There Are Rays of Hope Even In Our Darkest Hours

God has never led me through a difficulty in which there is no resulting joy that far surpasses the difficulty I’ve been through.

Are you going through a difficulty that seems so hard you’re wondering if you’d ever make it through? Do you feel you’ve already done your best, that you have fought so hard already and still the battle seems so far from being won?

Perhaps you’ve been hurt by another. Or perhaps you’ve lost someone so close to you that you wonder how you’d ever live your days again.

Take heart for you are never alone. In your darkest hours, in your weakest, you’d find the strength you need to carry on. In the most hopeless of situations, a helping hand will be with you, and things will turn around in such a way as to make the most depressing of circumstances in your favor.

Try not to think of the many days ahead, think only of today. Think only of the moment. In this blessed moment, you have God with you, embracing you, whispering unto you: I have always loved you, my child. That is all that matters.

Every difficult task that comes across your path – every one that you would rather not do, that will take the most effort, cause the most pain, and be the greatest struggle – brings a blessing with it. And refusing to do it regardless of the personal cost is to miss the blessing. – Streams in the Desert

It is through the most difficult trials that God often brings the sweetest discoveries of Himself.

Fear Not, My Child

Fear not my child

Fear not.

Rid yourself of useless anxieties,

There is more that you can do at rest

than you can ever do fretting about.

Let everything that you do

be done out of love

pouring out of a peaceful heart.

It is not how many ideas

that run through your mind

that matters.

It is the way that you believe.

It is the way that you surrender

to everything that is good

which heaven is showering you

in every moment.

Fear not my child

Fear not.

There is no need for you to hurry

nor for your hands to tremble.

Time stops for love

and love alone.

And I want you to enter

the door that leads to forevermore.

When God Prays

My beloved, why do you cry? Why do you fill your heart with gloom and hopelessness? Why do you hide from me? Why do you bear this burden that is not yours? Was the night so long you never thought it would surrender to another sunrise? Was the winter too cold you never thought you could feel warm ever again? I am deeply troubled with your troubles. I am utterly concerned that I could not sleep. I know your wounds for they are mine as well. I know your tears and I would like to take them away.

No reply.

My beloved, it’s been so long since I heard your voice; so long since you poured out your heart to me. How I long to hear them once again. How I missed it! How I miss the songs you used to sing. How I miss you! How I yearn to enjoy your presence once more.

No reply.

My beloved, has the world deafened the ears that used to listen to my voice? Has the noise of the world been so loud you couldn’t hear my gentle whisper? How I’d like to shout upon you like thunder! To reach out to you like the crashing waves! But it is not my way, beloved. I am not among the fire nor the lightning nor the storm. I am the soft breeze that whispers unto you with unfailing love.

I do not have the love that you have, or the patience that you have for me. I do not care if you bring me fire or thunder or rain for it is just the same! This life is not good to me. It would have been better had I not been born at all!

Why do you despise life; life that I have given you? Have I not formed you in your mother’s womb? Have I not chosen you before the birth of the earth? Have I not fashioned you intricately, passionately, wonderfully, uniquely, perfectly beyond any conceivable thought or miracle? Have I not breathed on you? Have I not given you my own heart? Have I not made you in my own glory and immortality?

I can see no beauty whatsoever in the creature that I am. There is no hope for me for I am wretched and most unfortunate of men. Men will never look upon me with admiration or respect. Men would never even notice me, for who am I? Who am I that anyone should care about me?

You say you fashioned me. You say you breathed your life unto me, but I have none. Death has more mercy for one such as me.

Why do you choose death? Why prefer darkness to light? Sorrow over joy? Despair over hope? Have I not given you freewill? Have I not given you a mind such as my own?

Freewill belongs only to those blessed upon the earth. Men such as me have no choice whatsoever. Why hope when you will be frustrated in the end? Why desire light when you cannot prevail over darkness?

My beloved, have I not given you strength? Have I not poured out Wisdom unto you? Have I not armed you with everything you need to face the battles of this world? And have I not come before you and claimed victory over the war you cannot win?

Why do you talk to me? Don’t you have any other business to take care of? Why waste your time on me when you can convince a multitude with your words? I am not your only love. I am not the only one you care about so be gone from me! I am nobody’s beloved.

Why do you not trust my heart? Do you not know the love I have for you? And why send me to the crowd when my beloved is here? I leave the ninety-nine sheep for the one I seek. For the one which can never be replaced. For the one whom I will hide in the shadow of my wings. For the one whose name is written forever in the palm of my hand.

You speak so wonderfully as though it is the truth. As though you know how I feel.

There is no truth but I. And the truth is that I have loved you so much that I despised my life so you can have yours.

What is this life you’re talking about anyway? If there is heaven, why don’t you bring me there? It is different to walk the face of the earth. It is different to face the people that I face. To struggle with the problems I’m going through. To remain standing when a thousand await for me to stumble so they can trample upon me. So they can spit on my face when they have the chance. Where is the glory you’re talking about? They do not even respect me. Where is hope when I don’t even know which road to take?

What is it that you want, my child?

No reply.

What is it that you desire me to give you?

No reply.

Why do you not knock upon the door which waits to be opened up for you? Why do you not ask for the grace that was meant to be yours? Why do you content yourself with garbage when you can seek a treasure, which nobody can ever take away from you?

I am just so tired and worn out. I don’t even have the strength to argue with you anymore.

Then what is it that you want, my beloved?

I’m just so lonely; I wish there could be someone to hold my hand.

He holds our hand.He carries us when we can carry on
no more.He restores our strength.
He renews us.
He picks up the broken pieces
of our hearts
and mends it
as though it were never broken at all.

God speaks, God seeks us in the darkest chambers of our hearts. God longs to hear us, to touch us and comfort us at times when we needed it most. But we are cold and tired and deaf. We hear Him knocking, but we dare not open the door. We hear Him praying, but we pretend not to have heard it, and we turn away.

“Unless a man be broken, he would never reach his limits. Unless he reaches his limits, he would never find the limitless God.”-Joyce, itakeoffthemask.com

You may also want to read: A Little Piece of Heaven

Thankful For The Trials

Facing Tough Situations Is Like Climbing Mt. Everest

When we are faced with difficult situations in life, we often feel as though we’re inexperienced climbers trying to make our way on top of Mt. Everest. We feel inadequate, we see no hope in ever reaching our dreams.

Problems overwhelm us that we can’t wait to get out where we are. We want all our trials to be over. We want our problems to be solved. We want to be able to teleport ourselves straight towards the top of the mountain even without undergoing the difficult climb.

We Can’t Survive The Mountain Top

Our problem is that even if we could be teleported straight on top of Mt. Everest, we wouldn’t survive it once we get there. Did you know that if a person were to be directly lifted from sea level and placed on top of Mt. Everest, that person would most probably die? This is because the body has not been able to gradually adjust (or “acclimatize”) to such a high altitude environment.

Per Wikipedia, “acclimatization to high altitude continues for months or even years after initial ascent, and ultimately enables humans to survive in an environment that, without acclimatization, would kill them.”

Even climbers spend weeks trying to acclimatize to this very high altitude. They don’t risk their own lives by going straight towards the top of Mt. Everest.

Many times however, that’s what we want to do. We want to take shortcuts, routes that we think would give us immediate success but ultimately leads only to our failure.

The Climb Prepares Us For The Peak

The training we need to do and the difficult task of slowly climbing and adjusting to the new altitude are the things that prepare us for the tougher climate at the top.

Further, it’s the experience of our journey and perseverance which gives us a sweeter victory once we are able to reach our goal. We can’t cheat our triumphs, because true success is the transformation that took place in our own hearts.

Without this transformation, we’d immediately lose all the material things we wanted to acquire. Imagine winning a big amount of money without knowing how to wisely manage it. Without the right knowledge and preparation, we’d only lose everything as quickly as we’ve gained it!

Gratitude For The Climb

It is said that one of the best qualities of a successful person is gratitude. But how could we feel grateful when we’re jobless, or heartbroken, or lost?

The key is in knowing what purposes such trials render to our lives. What is the meaning of this difficult situation in your life? How could it strengthen you? How could it prepare you for the kind of life you’re dreaming of?

We can be grateful even for trials that come our way. Thankful for the opportunity to change, to be wiser, to be tougher, we can live the difficult moment as though we’re the hero in our own movie where we are being challenged to rise beyond our fears and our hurts.

Don’t jump towards the end without witnessing where the hero’s power really came from. Thankful for the trials, it is the fire that gave the phoenix a brand new life!

Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. -Psalm 126:5

Who Made You Who You Are?

When I had my sheep, I was happy, and I made those around me happy. People saw me coming and welcomed me, he thought. But now I’m sad and alone. I’m going to become bitter and distrustful of people because one person betrayed me. I’m going to hate those who have found their treasure because I never found mine. And I’m going to hold on to what little I have, because I’m too insignificant to conquer the world. – The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho

What made you into the kind of person you are today? No doubt, your past experiences have had a significant influence on you, and so are the people who’ve touched your life.

But what if we experience difficult situations? What if we give our hearts to people who’d only crush it and throw it carelessly away? Would such people define who we should become? Should our bitter experiences make us into bitter persons as well?

Let no betrayal hinder you from trusting yet again.
Let no foolish words damage the way you see yourself.
And let no hurt, no matter how painful, make you shrink from achieving your God-given destiny!

Who made you who you really are?

Are You Tired of Waiting?

Have you ever felt those times when it seems you’re already so tired of waiting? What is it that you’re waiting for and that never seems to arrive?

There are many times when God desires to build the virtue of patience in our souls, when we are encouraged to keep on hoping, to increase on faith, and to never give up.

Yet there are also times when we wait longer than is necessary. It’s as though we have already made a habit of it, or worse, an excuse to never really reach our dreams.

It’s as if we give ourselves NO PERMISSION to enjoy the life we want until we have achieved something first, until we do this and we do that. What happens is that we end up putting off for tomorrow all the joys and happiness we could have enjoyed today.

What do you need so you can finally live life to the full today? Do you need to have a big bank account? Do you need to be able to set up a retirement fund first? Do you need to buy that new house or car? Do you need to get the approval of certain people? Or do you merely have to overcome your fears, be true to your heart, and be the kind of person you’ve always wanted to be?

It is true that there will always be dreams that remain to be pursued, goals that remain to be reached. But it is also true that there is a precious moment within TODAY that needs to be lived to the very full for it shall never pass our way again. What are the things you are capable of doing today? What kind of person are you capable of BEING right this moment where you are?

Let God take care of you where you are. Let Him love you AS YOU ARE. And let Him be the One to take good care of your TOMORROWS until they all arrive into a wonderful and blessed TODAY!

The Four Significant People In Your Life

Do you know the four important people who play a significant role in your life? There are four types of people that contribute to a more meaningful and purposeful life, and these are:

1. Your Mentor

When we were much younger, we had all sorts of teachers who guided us and assisted us in learning the things we needed to learn. They were experts in different fields who imparted to us not only their knowledge, but their wisdom and life experiences.

Learning should never stop even as we grow older. We should always find mentors who will be a source of enlightenment for us in paths we have yet to take. These mentors can be experts in the field of business when we are venturing out into our own businesses, life coaches who can motivate us towards career change, pastors and priests who will guide our spiritual growth or even friends who have already advanced further in life, willing to take our hand so we can also be where they are.

The most important ingredient in mentorship is trust. No mentor can ever impart to us what we needed to learn if we don’t have faith in who they are and in what they are teaching us.

2. Your Model

Models are the people we admire and give us inspiration. They don’t necessarily have to be mentoring us, but we can also learn from them even from a distance.

Who are the people you really admire? They can be celebrities or heroes. They can be alive today or have already departed but left lasting footprints to light your way.

The most important ingredient in finding models in life is inspiration. We choose the people who inspire us the most and who make us believe in the best we could be.

3. Your Companion

Who are your companions? Although we an also learn much from our companions, they don’t necessarily have to be mentoring us in such a direct and influential way as our mentors and models do. But companions walk side by side with us. They learn with us. They grown with us, and thus, learning doesn’t become such a lonely process after all.

The ingredient that makes a successful friendship is fondness and spiritual affinity. Choose companions whose company you enjoy and with whom you can discover life with in eager excitement, laughter and joy.

4. Your Student

Wherever we may be in life, we are also at a point where we can teach something to other people. We can be mentors ourselves and pass on the knowledge and wisdom we have learned through the years. The cycle of life is not complete without being able to leave your legacy, and your greatest legacy is being able to inspire and touch another soul that will carry on the light which you have found.

As in mentorship, one of the key ingredients in finding the right students is trust. They should have a firm belief in you. They should be open enough to receive what you are willing to impart.