I think one of the most difficult burdens a single person can have is the feeling that one has never been called or chosen. Do I even have a vocation?
When you try to search over the internet, you’d find various answers to this question. Some would say that being single is a vocation just like being married or being a religious. But many sites I have visited bluntly say that being single should never be considered as such and there is no such thing.
No matter what reason may have been given by those who say that being single is not a vocation, the effect is the same. It is painful to hear and to be told again and again.
If God did not call me to be single, where did I go wrong? Should I have been a married person or a religious had I only obeyed God’s calling? And if I have not been called that way, why wasn’t I called by God? What does He want me to do with my life?
It is this feeling that I am in a wrong state in life, somewhere I shouldn’t be. That feeling that while all the other people are being cheered and congratulated for their vocation, I’ve been left out in the midst of a void, without purpose or without meaning in the life I’m living in.
Is this true? How should single people view their current condition?
First of all, I would like to believe that it is quite impossible that God has no plan for my life. And it is also quite impossible to believe that He does not love me.
God is Love. God is Goodness. How could He ever be anything else?
And if God is good, He is good to me. He descended from heaven and died on the cross just for me. How could He not be concerned with my life?
Secondly, it is hard to believe that He has not called me. Throughout my life, I have felt Him calling me, pursuing me, choosing me. He may not have called me to be a nun or to be a wife, but He has called me just the same.
What then is this call?
The Church teaches that every Christian is called to a life of holiness.
“Therefore in the Church, everyone whether belonging to the hierarchy, or being cared for by it, is called to holiness…” — Lumen Gentium V
You and I are called. Married, religious people…and single people. No one has ever been excluded. Why do we speak as though somebody can be left out? As though God has failed to see and to call someone that He has made in His own image?
“God created man in His own image and likeness: calling him to existence through love, He called him at the same time for love. God is love and in Himself He lives a mystery of personal loving communion. Creating the human race in His own image and continually keeping it in being, God inscribed in the humanity of man and woman the vocation, and thus the capacity and responsibility, of love and communion.” – St John Paul II (Familiaris Consortio)
Before we concern ourselves with whatever state of life we have been called to such as married life or religious life, let us concern ourselves that everyone has been called first to a life of holiness and love.
“Love is the fundamental and innate vocation of every human being” — St John Paul II (Familiaris Consortio, 11)
And so whether you are a nun, a wife or a lay single person, you are being called to love. If you fail to do this, then your vocation as a religious or as a married person would be to no avail. Because such are only avenues by which you could love. And if you do not love, what good would your calling be to you?
In the end, there is still this question that is never easy to answer: “Did God call me to be single and alone?”
I do not know. I’ll never be sure until I get to heaven.
But what I’m certain of is that God has called me to love in the unique circumstances of life that He has allowed me to be in. He has a purpose for me where I am and my life is not meaningless. For as long as I can live a life of holiness and love, my life would never be in vain.
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.” — Isaiah 43:1, NRSVCE
Learn more about Jocelyn when you subscribe to SINGLE CATHOLIC WRITER (receive emails of “hope and healing” for these troubled times).
Download the following books for free:
There was a time when I received one of the most serendipitous gifts on my birthday. It’s a customized notebook from my sister where one of my own quotes had been inscribed on the cover. This is the quote that’s complete with an attribution to my name:
“Don’t give up now. For all you know, your dreams are just about to come true!” – Jocelyn Soriano
It was a very timely message that I needed to read. And I couldn’t help but be struck with the awesomeness of it all. It was something I had written long ago, and it came back to me right when I needed to remember it most.
Have you ever experienced something like that? Something like a happy coincidence just when you thought you’ve given up all hope? What do you do when you feel like giving up?
Mother Angelica had this very amazing quote. She said, “I am not afraid to fail, I am scared to death of dying and having the Lord say to me. ‘Angelica, this is what you might have done had you trust me more’.”
Maybe one of the reasons I lose hope is because of that feeling of failure. After feeling that I have already tried everything, I still can’t seem to make any progress in what I do. No matter how hard I work, I remain stuck.
It’s one of the worst feelings. To think that everything you do seems to be in vain. Even the work you’ve accomplished throughout the years seem to lose their meaning.
Mother Angelica, however reminds me that it isn’t that kind of failure I must fear. There is a greater failure, and that is failing to trust in God more. If I give up now, I wouldn’t know what God could have done more through me.
When you feel like giving up, try to pause for a while and present everything to God. Tell Him how you feel. Cry to Him if you need to. If He could lay down His life for you, would He not understand your tears?
Remember the crucifixion of Jesus. Did it not look like a big failure then?
And we all know what happens after that. After Jesus kept trusting the Father. And after He never gave up.
“But I said, ‘I have laboured in vain.
I have spent my strength in vain for nothing;
yet surely the justice due to me is with the LORD,
and my reward with my God.’”
– Isaiah 49:4, WEBBE
All my life, I’ve felt that I had always been searching for the beautiful and the good. I wanted to find it in this world I’m living in. I wanted to find it in myself. I wanted to find it in other people.
Whenever I had a glimpse of it, I feel that my life becomes meaningful. Somehow, I feel that the beauty and the goodness I see transfer a little bit of their substance in me, and I, too, become beautiful and good.
It’s like looking at a magnificent sunrise and being showered by its warmth. A warmth that warms not only one’s body but also one’s heart and soul.
In that small space of time, as I gaze upon the rising sun, I absorb some of its light, and some of its magnificence. I, too, become a little sun that’s filled with warmth and with light.
Oh, that I may also absorb the beauty of Him whose beauty and whose light is beyond measure. May I not neglect those moments of prayer when I become immersed in His goodness and His goodness somehow makes its way upon my soul.
“Late have I loved you, O Beauty ever ancient, ever new, late have I loved you! You were within me, but I was outside, and it was there that I searched for you. In my unloveliness I plunged into the lovely things which you created. You were with me, but I was not with you. Created things kept me from you; yet if they had not been in you they would have not been at all. You called, you shouted, and you broke through my deafness. You flashed, you shone, and you dispelled my blindness. You breathed your fragrance on me; I drew in breath and now I pant for you. I have tasted you, now I hunger and thirst for more. You touched me, and I burned for your peace.”- St. Augustine