Category: relationships

When you hurt so much after confessing your feelings

Out of the many challenges you face when you’re dating, being rejected is perhaps one of the hardest to go through. When you’re rejected, it feels as though your self-esteem has suddenly collapsed. You may even feel worthless altogether.

Why wasn’t I chosen? Or why wasn’t I given at least the chance to prove my love?

Nobody knows how hard it was to even confess your feelings. You may have spent sleepless nights thinking about the right words to say. You’ve searched his or her social media profile just to see the things your special someone likes. You may have even asked that person’s friends to get a clue about their friend’s ideal type of date.

But it all ended with a rejection.

How do you handle a rejection that hurt you so much?

A rejection doesn’t mean you’re not good enough

The first thing you have to keep in mind is that a rejection is not the same as “not being good enough”. So that person rejected you. Does it mean that person has all the power in the world to measure your worth? Does it mean that everything he or she has said about you is true?

What you just heard was just one voice. It’s one opinion among so many. It just so happens that you valued that opinion because you wanted to be with the one you liked.

What’s the basis of your rejection?

Have you ever wondered about the basis of your rejection? Aside from your first instinct of looking down upon yourself, have you considered that the other person may have had other things in mind?

There are some people who may feel that they are the ones who are not good enough. Yes, not good enough for you. And this is the complete opposite of what you may be thinking about!

On the other hand, some people have preferences that may include traits or qualities they consider to be important such as being adventurous, sports-minded or having similar hobbies. It just so happens that they haven’t found it in you.

Not possessing these traits doesn’t lessen your worth. You were just perceived to be different from what the other person expected to find.

It can be to your advantage

Sometimes, being rejected can even work to your advantage. Imagine someone whom you like for now but will never be compatible with you in the future. Visualize a relationship that wouldn’t work out due to your differences in beliefs or way of dealing with the problems in life.

To be rejected is to find an escape from a problematic relationship. It is to be given a chance to find another person who can understand you and appreciate you more.

A rejection isn’t always a permanent thing

Last but not the least, don’t consider every rejection as a permanent thing. People often make mistakes. Someone may have failed to see your true worth. They may have had unfavorable first impressions about you but they may discover who you really are in the future.

How to overcome the hurt of being rejected

1. Don’t equate your rejection with your self-worth

Being rejected should not be the same as being less valuable or less worthy of love. Other people may not see your strengths, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have special gifts that only you could possibly give.

2. Think about the benefits of not being chosen

Being rejected gives you the freedom to find another person who may be more compatible with you. It may lead you to healthier relationships where you can be accepted and loved for who you are.

3. Give yourself time to heal

No matter how logical you may try to be, it still hurts to be rejected. Give yourself time to heal. Cry if you feel like crying.

You need time to process everything. Don’t rush yourself into healing.

4. Consider the value of persistence

There are times when the other person’s rejection of you doesn’t necessarily mean choosing another person over you. The other person may just be waiting for you to prove yourself more. It can be that the other person wants also just to know you more.

Know when it’s time to give up and when it’s time to keep on trying.

5. Try to raise your self-esteem

Use this time to discover more about yourself and your strengths. Learn something new or enhance a skill you already have. This can help you become more confident in the future. When you’re more confident about yourself, you can reveal yourself better to other people. They can then see more clearly the good points they should find in you.

Final Thoughts

Being rejected hurts, but this shouldn’t be the end of your world. You can still heal and come out of it a better and stronger person. You can still find people who can appreciate you and love you for who you are.

Take your time to rest and reflect on what happened. Then continue to improve yourself and be more confident about the things only you could possibly give.

Mend My Broken Heart

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When I was in grade school, I had a best friend who gave me a certificate that testifies to our friendship. And while I’ve won many other certificates and medals for my academic achievements later, that certificate of friendship had a very special place in my heart. It signified that I was dear to someone, that I had a companion who acknowledged me as an important part of her life.

When I went to high school, however, things started to change so fast. I wasn’t with my childhood friends, cousins and neighbors anymore. I was with a group of people who have been friends for years. Not to mention that it was my first time attending an exclusive private school. I felt like I didn’t belong. I felt like an outcast. I found it hard to adjust socially since then. Even in my college years, I had no fixed group of friends I could call my own.

Later, when I finally found people who became close to me again, I really tried to keep them. I was just grateful that I’ve finally found friends who cared for me and who made me feel that I’m no longer alone.

I guess this was one reason I’ve put a special value on friendships. I consider friends as true blessings from God, they’re like angels who make this life more bearable and more enjoyable. They help us see what’s good in us. They give us the kind of warmth that makes our lives more beautiful and meaningful.

In today’s world, however, I’ve noticed how friendships have often been taken for granted. Compared to romantic relationships, they’re hardly given the attention and the value that they deserve.

Is it so hard to believe that something other than romantic love could also be as strong, as true and as enduring? Why do we not consider friendship as a kind of love that is also worth seeking and keeping?

I do not mean to underestimate the value of that kind of love between two people who have been blessed with such an ardent passion and desire they need to form a bond from which the miracle of a new life could come from. But I do wish we can recognize that people are also capable of loving each other beyond that kind of relationship.

We can love in another way. We can value other people even if we are not romantically involved with them. Is this not already shown in the way parents love their children? In the same way, friends can love each other wholeheartedly and meaningfully in such a way that only friends can.

Friends do not need to gain an exclusive claim over your life. You can be friends with another person without being threatened of losing the friend you already have. In this way, friendship is less prone to jealousy. Not that it is immune to it. But friendship can teach us to love more selflessly.

Friends see us for who we really are. Our best friends know us deeply. We do not have to impress them just so they could accept us. True friendships are born from sincerity and from accepting one another just as they are. While this can also be true with romantic partners, the intensity of one’s emotions may lead some people to try to win their partners at the expense of hiding who they are. With friends, we learn to love less self-consciously.

Friendships give us enough space to love other things. We become free to discover other interests. We are allowed to take on adventures, to play and to be in touch with other aspects of ourselves we have not yet known. Our focus with friendship is not always each other. We gain new insights and given the chance to see other perspectives. It is thus that friendship can teach us to love more freely.

Friendships give us the safe and warm feeling of home away from home. With friends, we don’t need to say much. We can sit next to each other doing our own thing and just know that someone is there for us. Friends help us to love silently.

Some friendships survive long distances and long periods apart. When you see them again, it’s as though you hardly spent time away from each other. Strong friendships endure both distance and time and they teach us to trust even when we cannot see. Friends help us love more faithfully.

God gave us many forms of love to reflect the richness and depths of His Love for us. Let us not take for granted those that seem simple and too ordinary for us. In silence and steadfastness, in freedom and in selflessness, may friendship teach us to love more deeply and more beautifully. After all, it is said that there is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.