Hi Joyce,
Im engaged and my engagement was totally arranged as it happens in our culture as I never knew about my fiancee,but after my engagement my mom n dad suggested that I talk to my fiancee to have a better understanding.joyce I came to know my fiancee isnt a very responsive or expressive guy at all totally opposite of me whos very expressive in praise or affection.Being raised in a family where i always had my freedom to do what I want now I feel so misunderstood by my fiancee as hes only concerned about his work and time.He is very rigid in his rules as tells me ill never call before seven days n all and if I tell him to call before that he acts very seriously and twice even used harsh words with me which really HURT me badly.Joyce Im not used to listening to such tone of language if someone tries to boss me around and tolerate such coldness on someones part.
As a result I ve become so depressed and serious when I use to be very outgoing and happy person.I told my problem to my mom but she just tells me not to worry as a result I feel misunderstood?I thought my life partner would be expressive to me for my beauty and care for me not a cold heartless guy who only cares for his work and pride.I cant be happy like this as Ive never experienced such a person even on my birthday he didnt give me any present and when my brothers asked me what he gave me I felt like crying infront of them.plzz tell me joyce what can I do how can I deal with this kind of person and feel contented with myself again.thanks
From Noora
RESPONSE FROM JOYCE
Hello, Noora!
I’d like to introduce myself again. I’m Joyce!
I came from a Christian background, I’ve lived in Australia and in the Philippines where we are usually free to choose the one we will marry. So forgive me if I cannot always understand the depths of the pressure you feel in trying to follow your culture. It must be difficult, because we human beings usually want to conform to what the society around us dictates. Aside from that, we want to meet the expectations of important people in our lives, especially our family. I know you don’t want to disappoint anybody. But in the process, it seems you are also disappointing yourself, and you feel you’re no longer happy with your situation and with who you are.
There was once a prayer that gave me enlightenment and it says:
Lord, grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I can’t change,
the COURAGE to change the things which I can,
and the WISDOM to know the difference.
In your situation, which do you think applies? Do you think you can do something to change your situation? Or do you think you need to accept everything so you can find peace?
If you believe you can still do something, what do you think could it be? Could you talk to your family so that they can let you to choose another guy that will truly love you and respect you as a person? Can you defy your own culture? Can you be brave enough to be different and do things differently from what your society expects of you? If they cannot accept your decision, are you ready to leave your place, even your country so you can be yourself in another place? What are you ready to do.
If you are not ready to do the above, then are you ready to marry a man whom you don’t really like? Are you ready to marry a man who does not really love you or can’t give you the caring and concern you are looking for?
Life is a decision, and we need to CHOOSE and pay the price for our choices. Which decision are you willing to make? Which can you sacrifice? What situation can you accept.
Do write to me of your thoughts, and may God grant you the Wisdom to know the answer.
With Love,
JOYCE
Find hope in your darkest hour.
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