It’s been a year since the pandemic forced everyone out of normalcy. Many people have been hit hard, some losing their source of income, and some losing the very ones they love. When I think about what I have left compared to others around me, I can’t help but feel I’ve been spared of difficulties I couldn’t even begin to imagine.
It doesn’t mean, however, that my heart doesn’t ache for all the things I’ve lost. I know that only God’s grace has kept me from being crippled by anxiety. It is only God’s grace that has allowed me to carry on.
My life is simple. I’m not rich enough to enjoy the luxuries of always going out of the country. I don’t socialize much either, and so I won’t be missing parties or concerts or other events that other people do. Yet in my own life, there are some things I miss.
I miss the freedom to go out of the house whenever I want to. Not that I’d get very far. But that I know I could at least visit my favorite bookstore or simply go to Church and light a candle there while I pray. I may even plan on visiting nearby friends I feel like it.
I miss being able to breathe without the fear of being sick. That simple pleasure of enjoying the cool morning air and breathing without a mask or a facial shield.
I miss going to the mall with my family. I miss going to mass with them and then eating out and strolling about, simply exploring that small space where one can see new things and meet new people. I miss shopping for good that I can touch and smell.
I miss going to the movies. There’s nothing like buying some popcorn and then going in your favorite theater to watch the latest film.
I miss going to my favorite café. That time when I need not hurry, when I can simply watch the people passing by as I enjoy my favorite coffee and desert.
I miss street foods. Being able to eat lugaw (a local congee), fish balls, barbeque and sorbetes (a local version of ice cream).
I miss being able to plan for things that I could do next, whether it be learning a new sport or hobby or getting to a new place. Not that I’m an extrovert. But there’s something within every person that longs to have that freedom to plan, to explore and to look forward to many things in life.
I miss the possibility of being able to walk in the rain again without fear of getting sick or of being the carrier of a virus that could risk the lives of my loved ones.
I don’t know how long the effects of this pandemic would be. But I don’t want to lose hope that things can still return to normal.
I know many people would discourage me, many who believe that we shouldn’t yearn for things to be the way they were again. But I think I need this hope at least to keep me hanging on, to protect my sanity, and to guard my humanity. I need to believe that things can still be better and one day, we can be free again.
Find hope in your darkest hour.
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