Tag: healing

Categories
Spirituality

How God Heals Our Inner Wounds

how God heals our inner woundsHow God Heals Our Inner Wounds

There were times when I wondered why God hasn’t provided for me more. It is true that He has never left me in lack, but I saw people who were far better blessed and comfortable. Why couldn’t He bless me in the same way? Doesn’t He love me, too?

If it is true that such times of ‘waiting’ in my life (times of searching for a new direction or purpose when nothing seems to be happening)  is for my own rest and recuperation so I can prepare for my next mission, why couldn’t I have a better rest? That kind of pause where I need not worry about income and where I need not experience the problems I have been experiencing.

One evening however, as I was praying the rosary, I’ve realized that God has done this because He was healing my wounds. And before such wounds could be healed, they must first be exposed. Problems, discomfort and darkness expose our wounds. If I had been given a more comfortable life outright, I might not even have known I’ve had them!

And then suddenly, I remember my prayer to God… that He may heal me and make me feel how much I am truly loved.

Categories
Grief

How Do You Handle The Vacuum of Loss

When we lose a loved one, whether by a broken relationship or by unexpected death, the most difficult part we experience is the vacuum of loss we feel in our hearts.

All of a sudden, a very significant part of our life, maybe the biggest or most important part is taken away. There is no immediate replacement. What we have left is just a BIG VOID, an empty space, a black hole we cannot understand. We feel hallow, like our hearts have suddenly been taken away.

Our problems therefore are two-fold:

  1. Lack of anything to look forward to for the next day and for the many many days to come.

  2. No person to share with our thoughts, our dreams, our trivial problems, our discoveries, the funny experiences we have from day to day.

For the one thing that changed, that became absent in our life, everything else seems to have changed as well, everything was BROKEN.

I will not say that there is a magic formula. But I will try to suggest some things that could help. Do note however that the following only applies at the point of total loss or separation, where nothing could ever be done to remedy the situation. For breakups that need to be thought about, for relationships that need to be healed, for situations that need to be fought with all your strength and with everything you have, do not apply this yet. Thou can live with loss, but thou shalt not live with regret.

  1. DON’T THINK ABOUT IT

I know, I know. That’s technically impossible. But consider this. Haven’t you spent a single day without the company of your loved one? Haven’t you been to a vacation without him? How did you feel then?

True, you may have missed them. But you didn’t suffer as much as you do now. You may have even enjoyed your time alone, that certain space and freedom.

The only difference is this: PERSPECTIVE. Whereas before, you knew you’d see them again, right now you’re burdened by a future of emptiness you see before you.

Don’t think about that future yet. Don’t think of the hundreds of days ahead that haven’t even arrived.

Spend the day as you would as though all these didn’t happen. It’s hard, it will take all your willpower. But it can be done.

  1. DISTRACT YOURSELF

Many people might say that this sounds like an escape mechanism, and I agree. But people who say it may not know how it is to really feel lost, empty and left all alone. They don’t know how dark and painful it is in there and how any measure of light, even a flicker, could help you carry on.

Find as much distraction as you can to keep your mind from focusing on your loss. Focusing on such loss will not lead you anywhere but to further despair, especially when you’re not yet strong enough.

One day at a time, try to survive the day, the hour, the minute, without your beloved.

  1. REALIGN

Even escape mechanisms has its limits, an expiration date. Even the most skillful cannot fool themselves forever. When that time comes, you’ll know that its time to realign.

For quite a time now, you were able to survive many days without your beloved. You have lived through empty days and you have filled your days with something else. They have not fulfilled you. But they have witnessed your survival.

Without being aware of it, the first steps of realignment have been made. Think about the following perspectives:

FIRST PERSPECTIVE

I love this person. I spend each day with him. I share with him my dreams, my happiness, my hurts, my experiences.

SECOND PERSPECTIVE

I love this person. I no longer spend each day with him, but as though like a prayer, I still share with him my deepest and most treasured emotions.

REALIGNMENT. Some things change. Yet some things remain. LOVE REMAINS.

In many situations, we can use this very important tool to help us adjust and still keep what’s worth keeping.

When kids grow up, our relationship with them changes. Yet they’re still our children, our love. But where before we could cuddle them anytime, now it suffices to know they’re raising good families of their own.

Our friends too, may make moves that take them to far distances. They may take jobs elsewhere. Yet even these could not truly take away our friendship. We can still share with them our thoughts, dreams, hurts and achievements. And they will rejoice or weep with us just the same.

Where distraction merely avoids the issue of our loss, realignment brings us to the right perspective, to the TRUTH.

Without it, we may believe HALF-TRUTHS only and be overwhelmed. And what is this half-truth? The half-truth given us during a loss is this: That we have LOST EVERYTHING. It is a half-truth because nothing is every truly lost. We might have lost SOMETHING, a physical presence perhaps, the ability to hold their hand whenever we desire. But they have left us with SOMETHING, too. Their memory, their love, their soul. Something that has truly been a part of us can never ever be taken away. We carry that something with us, always, wherever we may go.

 

Categories
Grief

In the depths of sorrow and suffering

Each heart knows its own bitterness; each soul has its own sorrow; each
man’s life has its dark days of storm and tempest, when all his joys seem
blown away by some sudden blast of ill-fortune, and the desire of his
eyes is taken from him, and all his hopes and plans, all which he
intended to do or to enjoy, are hid with blinding mist, so that he cannot
see his way before him, and knows not whither to go, or whither to flee
for help; when faith in God seems broken up for the moment, when he feels
no strength, no purpose, and knows not what to determine, what to do,
what to believe, what to care for; when the very earth seems reeling
under his feet, and the fountains of the abyss are broken up.

When that day comes, let him think of God’s covenant and take heart. Is
the sun’s warmth perished out of the sky because the storm is cold with
hail and bitter winds? Is God’s love changed because we cannot feel it
in our trouble? Is the sun’s light perished out of the sky because the
world is black with cloud and mist? Has God forgotten to give light to
suffering souls, because we cannot see our way for a few short days of
perplexity?

No. God’s message to every sad and desolate heart on earth, is that God
is Light, and in Him is no darkness at all; that God is Love, and in Him
there is no cruelty at all; that God is One, and in Him there is no
change at all. And therefore we can pray boldly to Him, and ask Him to
deliver us in the time of our tribulation and misery; in the hour of
death, whether of our own death or the death of those we love; in the day
of judgment, whereof it is written–“It is God who justifieth us; who is
he that condemneth? It is Christ who died, yea, rather who is risen
again, who even now maketh intercession for us.” To that boundless love
of God, which He showed forth in the life of Christ Jesus; to that
perfect and utter will to deliver us which God showed forth in the death
of Christ Jesus, when the Father spared not His own Son, but gave Him
freely for us; to that boundless love we may trust ourselves, our
fortunes, our families, our bodies, our souls, and the bodies and souls
of those we love.
-OUT OF THE DEEP, WORDS FOR THE SORROWFUL

Categories
Healing

When You Grieve the Loss of a Loved One

when you're grieving the loss of a loved oneGrieving? How do you get through the loss of a loved one? Where do  you find the inspiration to carry on? When my grandfather died, the first question that crossed my mind was, “Shall we ever, as a family, be able to smile again?

He was a very kind man, a sweet and loving man who also happened to be a retired Captain of the Armed Forces of the Philippines, a proud veteran of the USAFFE in World War II. I loved him – very much, and regarded him as my very own father. He used to carry me up his shoulders when I was but a little girl. I never saw him mad. He was always calm and gentle, but with that certain kind of strength in him that never needed to be boasted about anymore. Maybe this kind of admiration was the source of my childhood dream of being a lady cadette officer. Well, I didn’t realize that dream, but in my heart I knew I’ve acquired that kind of courage he had, and it sort of stayed with me through the years.

I also admired the kind of love he cherished with my Grandma. Something that lasted for fifty golden years, the 50th year being the year of his demise. I often told myself that theirs was the kind of marriage I fervently pray to have – simple, sincere, lasting, abounding in love, courage and understanding. The day my Grandpa died, my heart broke, not only for my own grief, but for the grief of seeing such a blessed marriage come to a sudden end right before my eyes.

How indeed are we going to go about our lives after his passing? How do you let go? How do we spend our late evenings without his stories? How do we celebrate Christmas without his jolly smile? What do you do when you grieve the loss of a loved one?

The seat he occupied at dinner will remain vacant thereafter. The sight of him and Grandma embracing each other after a petty quarrel will be nothing more but a sweet memory to look back to.  Living through loss, healing, letting go, those words seemed so distant before it happened in your own life.

The funny thing was, I never really considered him old. He had always been strong and healthy and happy. I thought he’d always be there, for me, for my Grandma, for everyone who has ever gotten to know the wonderful person he is. But I guess death is like that. It takes from you in an instant the people you’ve cherished for a whole lifetime. Just like that. As simple as that. And you are suddenly left with two things: anger for having been deprived of your beloved for no reason at all; and emptiness, a vacuum that gnaws right at your heart where all the joyful moments once had been.

And how will it be for people who have lost not only their fathers, but mothers, children, both parents, lifetime partners who spent their lives through thick and thin, who dreamt together and journeyed together and found meaning in each other’s lives?

How are we to begin grieving for them? Where could we ever find the tears to weep, tears that will pour out and cry in behalf of our torn and shattered hearts?

1. Cry

Find those tears. Try to let them out however painful the process is. Let them out. Let them pour showers that will cleanse away every bit of darkness and bitterness from your heart.Shy not from crying out aloud. You have every right to be heard, and all the right to be hurt. No one’s going to stand in your way even if you wail.

Let your cries rise up to the clouds, unto the ears of heaven who understand what sorrow mortal men go through in this valley of tears.Cry for the pain of parting. Cry for the sad mornings that will greet you without your lover’s arms. Cry for the words that shall remain unspoken and unheard. Cry for the places you will never be able to walk together anymore. Cry for the dreams that will remain as dreams. Cry for the memories that will remain as memories. Cry for the hand that can no longer caress you. Cry for those eyes that can no longer see your tears.Cry your heart out. Because the truth is – it hurts, and it really hurts so much!

2. Forgive

There are many things we don’t want to admit in times like these; things we believe would only dishonor the memory of our loved one, or things that would dishonor us before their memory. But unless we deal with these things, we would always be burdened by things that should have been buried with passing of our loved ones.  a. Forgiving our loved ones. People are not perfect. No matter how much we love them or no matter how good they are, they may have hurt us at one point or another. They may have judged us and disappointed us. We have to admit how they failed us, and then forgive them with a forgiveness that comes out of the generosity of our hearts. We know that we do not have time anymore, we can no longer wait for them to see their faults and ask our forgiveness.

So we forgive them. We let them go with no bitterness in our hearts.b. Forgiving ourselves. When our loved ones pass away, there is always a feeling of guilt left in us – how we haven’t loved them enough, how we could’ve saved them, how we could’ve made them happier. But when we come to think of it, how much more could we have really done though? Even if we could’ve made a difference, could we be able to turn back the hands of time?Forgive yourself. Admit your faults, go to confession, slap your face hard, observe fasting for a week, shave your head even! But don’t punish yourself forever for being unable to make the proper retribution. You can no longer do that. It’s not your fault anymore. Blaming yourself could never earn for you the forgiveness you so desire. If you can’t be content in praying for forgiveness alone, if you really believe you still have to do something to be forgiven, then do this – love those people still within your reach. Do this, and you’d have earned more than forgiveness; you’d have loved. Love heals. Love forgives.

3. Deal with the pain one day at a time

Grieving for our loved ones who passed away is probably one of the most painful things we’d experience in life. Deal with it one short day at a time. Don’t think of the whole 25 or 50 years ahead of you. Just think of today, and of all the support being given you just where you are. It is times like these when we get to know who our true friends are, people willing to extend their hands and their hearts to help see you through. Accept the help given you, and you’ll make it through today.

4. Honor/ treasure their memory

Many people will suggest to you to move on, which is a fine thing. In the process though, they may also urge you to forget all about the past, and start letting go. Now letting go is not such a bad thing, it could mean giving up all our unrealizable expectations and all of the things we cannot do anymore. But to forget all things completely – to do so would be to start cheating on our true feelings for our beloved who passed away.We can’t just act like we had amnesia all of a sudden.

We can’t pretend that the things that happened didn’t happen, and that the precious moments we’ve spent with our loved ones don’t mean anything to us anymore. Something happened in the past. Souls touched in the past. Lives changed. Souls were inspired.Our grief is only amplified with the thought that we are forever parting with every remaining essence of our loved ones. That’s what makes our mourning even worse, to believe that we are forever losing that part of our lives that changed us and made us happy. Don’t throw it all away. When inspiration comes upon you, they need not leave. They never leave. They inspire us forever.

When my Grandpa died, I thought it was the end of the wonderful love he had with Grandma. But I was wrong. It did not end there. It cannot be ended that way. Up to this moment, I am still a witness on how true love is kept alive in the hearts and minds of those who carry on the radiance of its warmth.

5. Think of the legacy they left behind

I’ve always thought that when our loved ones go away, they take a part of ourselves with them. It’s like a part of us withers away and dies. We feel like an arm or a leg had just been taken away and we can never be whole again. We feel we are lesser people than we used to be. We then wonder why people had to meet at all only to be separated in the end, only to feel broken and incomplete.

But then I’ve also learned that when people become part of each other’s lives, their lives become richer from the whole new world opened before them by one another. They gain a new perspective, they get a deeper understanding of themselves, they learn new skills and hobbies, they discover new places, they get to love a new song. Each one leaves a mark, a precious legacy, a part of their very selves to the people they love.

I don’t know if any grief counseling teaches you this, that even after their lives together had ended, even after one has gone and passed away, that part they have given to us will remain. Because when people become a part of us, a part of their own souls remain in us, forever enriching us, and we are never the same as before.

“What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.”-Helen Keller

My Grandpa had been gone for 16 years now, but the things he left me, the imprint he left in my soul will always be there, guiding me through my journey ahead. Love of country, courage, dignity, love of family – these are the things I will always be thankful for.

6. Schedule activities that help vent out your emotions

You cried, you wept, you wailed. You’re undergoing a grief so deep from your loss.  But as you miss your loved one more painfully with the passing of each day, you feel the emotions within you continue to surge, emotions that need to find a proper outlet to let go.

Schedule those activities with a friend that will encourage you to perform them:
-Play badminton, let go of all the hurts you feel everytime you hit the shuttlecock. Hit it hard! Hit it as far as you can.

-Run the treadmill. Everytime you feel the urge to escape, walk tirelessly. Walk like you never walked before. Run. Run and release the pain you keep within you.
-Swim, imagine your tears being washed away. Do your most powerful strokes, and glide away from all the expectations the world thrusts upon your shoulders. Just make sure a trusted friend and lifeguard is watching over you, okay?
-Grab a crayon and a sketch pad. Draw the abstract feelings you can’t and don’t want to decipher at the moment. Draw in hard wild strokes. Then tear the sheet in pieces.  Do everything within your power to find those shreds of inspiration that can keep you going on.  It would make your healing more bearable, believable.

7. Replenish your soul

Once the strong feelings begin to subside, replenish your soul with activities that promote peace, wholeness and a fresh beginning.

-Plant a seed and watch the new plant emerge from the ground from which it was buried.
-Take care of a chick and help it grow into a hen. You can even enjoy the eggs she will lay for you later!
-Watch a sunrise with a trusted buddy. See how darkness transforms into a magnificent rising of a brand new day.
-Travel somewhere you’ve never been to. Get to know the locals and try to enjoy their way of life.

8. Give yourself time to adjust and recover

It will take time for you to carry on your usual routines each day. Just be patient with yourself. One day survived is one day of battle won. The more days you survive, the more confidence you will gain that you will make it.

If it’s really difficult for you, you can try to write letters to your loved one as though you were only miles away.
This will help you cope with the abrupt change of suddenly not being able to talk with your loved one. This will also help keep your life in check as you literally report what you’re doing with your life.

9. Think of the legacy you wish to leave behind

The torch has been passed on to you. Your life has been made richer by the legacy you received. What do you do now with what you have? What legacy do you want to leave behind to the people that matter most to you now? Remember that you are now a different person by having been a part of someone’s life. Everything you do, any difference that you make in this life is not only because of you, but also because of the one who loved you. When you leave your mark unto this world, you leave a mark formed also by every person that truly touched your life.

10. Believe that God will see you through

God knows your grief. He weeps with you. He hopes with you. He cares for you so much that He willingly died for you to conquer death forever and to give you the perfect and eternal life He wants you to enjoy. Things have not ended here. They have only just begun. Take heart! He will see you through. It is Jesus Himself who said, “The girl is not dead but asleep.” (Matthew 9:24)

When my Grandpa died, I used to doubt whether we can still smile again, now I know the answer: WE CAN.

IN YOUR HOUR OF GRIEF – Book

 

Grief, particularly the sadness of grieving the loss of a loved one, is one of the darkest hours we could ever experience. It is something that goes beyond our comprehension, something so devastating it destroys the most beautiful dreams we have ever had with and for our beloved ones.

How does one go on after such a loss? How does one survive the empty vacuum our loved ones have left behind? Is there any valid meaning we could possibly attribute to death?

Let this book be like a comforting friend for you, someone who knows just how painful it is to experience what you’re going through. I may not be physically with you, but through this book’s comforting words, may you be hugged with a warmth that reaches your heart, soothing the aches within, whispering words of hope and of a renewed sense of connection with that part of you that seemed to have been suddenly lost.

See Book Preview – CLICK HERE

Categories
Life Spirituality

Who are blessed?

I’ve often heard people saying “I’m truly blessed”, or “God blessed me.”

Does that mean other people weren’t blessed? 

If God causes the sun to shine both on the good and the bad, will He withhold His blessings to some and give it only to a few?

Who are we to say that some people are less fortunate than us?

I believe that God pours His blessings upon us all… always.

And maybe, when we say that we are blessed, it is only like saying we have finally found the faith to receive what God is giving us.  Finally, we have recognized God’s goodness, and for that, we say that we are blessed!