Tag: loss of loved one

Categories
Healing Life Spirituality

It’s such a hard work to rest!

It used to be so easy to rest, back in those days when “recess” was our favorite subject in school, or when Friday was our favorite day of the week because we’d finally have a hard-earned weekend to indulge in a lazy Saturday afternoon.

Yet have you noticed how many people today find no more satisfaction in the simplest activity of all?  We get anxious with our vacant hours and we try to fill our days with as much activity as we can just so we can avoid that time when we have nothing to do but be with ourselves.

I recently had colds and it necessitated a leave from work as well as a leave from the many activities I enjoy, including writing.  How I prayed that it be over, how I desired to get back to my normal routine.  But the body it seems, knows when to go on and when to take a pause, when to wake up, and when to get some time to sleep.  It’s the rhythm of life, the ebb and flow, the natural course of nature that keeps everything in balance, and that makes everything fresh and renewed.

But why the unnatural response from many of us?  Why the difficulty in surrendering to rest?

1.   We’ve lost our ability to wait.

The modern times have provided us with so many tools and gadgets we need that make our life easier.  It has enabled us to do things in an INSTANT, in a single click of a button.  We do things real FAST! 

Rest is waiting.  It is downtime, a healing time both for the body and the spirit.  We just couldn’t accept the fact that we are not after all as perfect and as powerful as we thought we could be, that we can be on the go 24/7 much as we wanted to.

2.  We’ve lost our ability to trust.

Rest and healing is doing nothing necessarily active on our part, but trusting that our body knows what it is doing to repair itself, to grow, maybe even to be better than before.  We believe that only our conscious efforts can accomplish something, and if we’re not doing anything therefore, we’re already doomed!  We don’t trust anybody, not even our own body when we know we are not consciously in control.

3.  We’ve lost our ability to receive.

Our culture has impressed upon us the necessity to give; giving is a concrete sign of being alive, of being of value.  When we are not able to give or to do anything productive, we quickly lose our self esteem.  Our self worth is so connected in doing what we do, that when we’re unable to do anything, we feel empty and worthless inside.

We  do not realize that receiving is also an integral part of being.  Receiving is actively cooperating to the one healing us, actively acknowledging that we are worthy of help, of being assisted in times when we couldn’t help ourselves.  Receiving is honoring ourselves as being worthy of notice and honoring others as being able to endow upon us something that is an important part of themselves.  Receiving, like giving, is being able to share and be a channel of the flow of life.

I’ve learned that even times of sickness and unproductiveness can teach us something.  I’ve learned that in times like that, it’s quite okey to wait, to trust the way of life, and to receive healing from the God who never abandons us whether we’re living our lives energetically, or whether we’re merely trying to while away our time sneezing and teary eyed in the comfort of our cozy beds.

Categories
Books

Grief Poems for the Loss of a Loved One

Grief Poems for the Loss of a Loved One Sometimes Grief Is Like a Wave and Healing Is Like a Butterfly
Grief Poems for the Loss of a Loved One
“Sometimes grief is like a wave, and healing is like a butterfly.”

It is not because things die,
That they are beautiful.
Things are beautiful
Because somehow,
A part of them lives on
And never dies…

When we are mourning the death of a loved one, we experience a profound sadness that nobody else seems to understand. Many times, all we need is just a warm hand to hold us and a friend who will be there for us as we face the most difficult times we’ve ever had.

Let these grief poems be like a friend to you, revealing the deepest hurts in your heart as you strive to find some comfort in your hour of grief.

grief poems book of waves and butterflies grieving

Here are some of the grief poems included in the book:

Not for One Moment

Not for one lonely moment,
Not for one troubled day,
Not for one passing hour,
Had I failed to remember you.

Yes, you who are mine;
You, who would always be the one.
And not for one passing moment,
Could you ever be truly gone.

For you are right here where I stand —
Here, where we walked beneath the stars,
And not for one waking moment,
Could you be ripped from my heart.

‘Cause right from the start,
Right from that precious moment,
When your eyes met mine,
O, how I cried.

How I could have died,
Had I not learned ,
To keep you in my soul,
For I am yours and yours alone.

You are my home,
And wherever I may go,
There will never be a moment,
When I couldn’t come back to you.

FREE Download – “In Your Hour of Grief” e-book

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There Won’t Be Another You

They say time heals
They say it makes you forget.
They say I’d move on,
And that I shouldn’t fret.

Perhaps I’d find another love,
Perhaps my heart shall beat again,
When I have learned to let you go,
And I have met another friend.

Well I don’t know about letting go,
And maybe only time will tell,
But I know that I shall love you so,
Though my heart begins to mend.

Perhaps I’d learn to hope,
Perhaps someone else would love me true
Perhaps I’d learn to live again,
But there won’t be another you.

I Won’t Be Bringing Flowers

I won’t be bringing flowers,
They cannot reach you where you are.
Ashes would return into ashes,
But the ashes won’t bring you home.

I won’t be bringing flowers
They’d wither away and die.
I’d bring instead some butterflies
To help you reach the skies.

I Thought the Stars Wouldn’t Shine

I thought the stars wouldn’t shine
When you are gone
I thought that all the light
Would vanish from the sun.

Why must the sky be a perfect blue
When I could no longer spend the day with you?
Why must the moon cast a romantic glow
When my love has flown to where I cannot go?

But the moon and the stars continued to shine
And the sun never failed to give its warmth
Who am I to whine and complain
When after the storm, some good things still remain?

Let them stay forever then,
Let their presence comfort me,
Perhaps somewhere my love is still there,
In some secret place where beautiful things run free.

Of Waves and Butterflies: Poems on Grief
(see the book on Amazon and other digital stores)
grief poems for the loss of a loved one (book)
Read More…

Buy the book on Amazon

Get it from other digital stores

See the book on Gumroad

When the Pain Is Too Much

The pain is too much…
Too much for this little heart.
I wish I had a bigger heart
So I could cry more for you,
So I could love you
Even when all that’s left
Is this pain in me.

This pain that is too much…
Too much for a weak person to bear
Without breaking
And falling apart.

How I wish to be stronger
So I could bleed without fainting,
And in bleeding
I may cry,
With all the love I have in me.

Sometimes There Is a Sadness

Sometimes there is a sadness in me,
A sadness that no one understands.
‘Cause though it seems so bitter,
I welcome it with open arms.

Sometimes there is a sadness,
That even tears cannot speak.
My heart alone knows the pain,
A pain so sharp and deep.

Why then do I hold on?
Why do I follow where it leads?
Ah, perhaps because it draws me closer,
It carries me where it is sweet.

When It’s Night

When life just feels so dreary,
and the world, so dark and sad…
And the load you bear is so heavy,
and you’re just bruised and broken bad.

Take heart and rest awhile,
and if your heart is broken, you can cry.
No one ever said we must always smile,
no one ever said there’d be no night.

For there are times of joy and times of trouble,
there are days when you just feel so tired.
You have tried and tried and tried,
you did all you could with all your might!

Take heart and give yourself some time,
give yourself some space to hide.
No one ever said we must always toil,
no one ever said we must always shine.

Of Waves and Butterflies: Poems on Grief
(see the book on Amazon)
When I See You Again

When I see you again, after a long long while,
When I see you again, and I behold your smile,
I’d look in your eyes as though we’ve only met,
I’d look at you as though no tears were ever shed.

When I see you again, after all the sleepless nights,
When I see you again, after darkness flees the sky,
I’d take your hand and hold you real tight,
I’d make you feel that this time, things would turn out right.

When I see you again, after fearing you’re forever gone,
When I see you again, after missing you so much,
I’d give you my heart so you’d never be alone,
I’d make certain that this time, I won’t ever let you go.

grief poems linger poetry wait

Poetry can be a source of healing, especially for those who weep.  When we are grieving, it helps to know that there is a kind of poetry that understands the heart, a heart broken with sorrow and yet persisting in love.

Of Waves and Butterflies: Poems on Grief
(see the book on Amazon and other digital stores)

Buy the book on Amazon

Get it from other digital stores

See the book on Gumroad

grief poems for the loss of a loved one (book)
Read More…

“There is something about the loss of a loved one that seems to leave an empty space in our hearts. This space could often feel painful, as though thorns have instead grown within us, reminding us of all that we have lost. But despite the pain, there is sweetness, too. Despite our grief, there is also love. May these poems help you to remember the things that you have been given, the things that would always remain. Waves of sorrow may come and go, but even in our grief, the joy that our loved ones have given us would always be there. Through love, even our deepest hurts can turn into lasting strength and hope.”

Of Waves and Butterflies: Poems on Grief
(buy the book on Amazon and other digital stores)

Share these Grief Poems to loved ones who need comfort and hope in times of grief.

Categories
love

What Destiny Awaits You?

 

For how long can you be happy in this life?

For how long can positive thoughts sustain you?

 

Will you be able to escape the aging years ahead?

Will you be able to escape your death?

 

Will you be able to escape the death of those around you

and bear the pain of their passing away?

 

Will you not grieve when your loved one passes away?

Will you not miss them?

Where shall you find your comfort in the end?

 

Shall you find it in the thought that they are not really gone,

but shall take on new personalities someday, somewhere, in another lifetime?

Personalities that knew you not

Personalities that have not your memory

nor the remembrance of your love

 

Shall you find comfort that they might go unto the Absolute

somewhere where all shall finally be merged as one,

energies pulsating, being absorbed unto the whole,

mere energies that sink and rise without end

without form

without persons you’ve wanted to love and to be with forever

 

No, you shall not.

You cannot

and even if you say you can,

you would have lost this one thing:

 

You would have lost

what true love

really means

Categories
Healing

When You Grieve the Loss of a Loved One

when you're grieving the loss of a loved oneGrieving? How do you get through the loss of a loved one? Where do  you find the inspiration to carry on? When my grandfather died, the first question that crossed my mind was, “Shall we ever, as a family, be able to smile again?

He was a very kind man, a sweet and loving man who also happened to be a retired Captain of the Armed Forces of the Philippines, a proud veteran of the USAFFE in World War II. I loved him – very much, and regarded him as my very own father. He used to carry me up his shoulders when I was but a little girl. I never saw him mad. He was always calm and gentle, but with that certain kind of strength in him that never needed to be boasted about anymore. Maybe this kind of admiration was the source of my childhood dream of being a lady cadette officer. Well, I didn’t realize that dream, but in my heart I knew I’ve acquired that kind of courage he had, and it sort of stayed with me through the years.

I also admired the kind of love he cherished with my Grandma. Something that lasted for fifty golden years, the 50th year being the year of his demise. I often told myself that theirs was the kind of marriage I fervently pray to have – simple, sincere, lasting, abounding in love, courage and understanding. The day my Grandpa died, my heart broke, not only for my own grief, but for the grief of seeing such a blessed marriage come to a sudden end right before my eyes.

How indeed are we going to go about our lives after his passing? How do you let go? How do we spend our late evenings without his stories? How do we celebrate Christmas without his jolly smile? What do you do when you grieve the loss of a loved one?

The seat he occupied at dinner will remain vacant thereafter. The sight of him and Grandma embracing each other after a petty quarrel will be nothing more but a sweet memory to look back to.  Living through loss, healing, letting go, those words seemed so distant before it happened in your own life.

The funny thing was, I never really considered him old. He had always been strong and healthy and happy. I thought he’d always be there, for me, for my Grandma, for everyone who has ever gotten to know the wonderful person he is. But I guess death is like that. It takes from you in an instant the people you’ve cherished for a whole lifetime. Just like that. As simple as that. And you are suddenly left with two things: anger for having been deprived of your beloved for no reason at all; and emptiness, a vacuum that gnaws right at your heart where all the joyful moments once had been.

And how will it be for people who have lost not only their fathers, but mothers, children, both parents, lifetime partners who spent their lives through thick and thin, who dreamt together and journeyed together and found meaning in each other’s lives?

How are we to begin grieving for them? Where could we ever find the tears to weep, tears that will pour out and cry in behalf of our torn and shattered hearts?

1. Cry

Find those tears. Try to let them out however painful the process is. Let them out. Let them pour showers that will cleanse away every bit of darkness and bitterness from your heart.Shy not from crying out aloud. You have every right to be heard, and all the right to be hurt. No one’s going to stand in your way even if you wail.

Let your cries rise up to the clouds, unto the ears of heaven who understand what sorrow mortal men go through in this valley of tears.Cry for the pain of parting. Cry for the sad mornings that will greet you without your lover’s arms. Cry for the words that shall remain unspoken and unheard. Cry for the places you will never be able to walk together anymore. Cry for the dreams that will remain as dreams. Cry for the memories that will remain as memories. Cry for the hand that can no longer caress you. Cry for those eyes that can no longer see your tears.Cry your heart out. Because the truth is – it hurts, and it really hurts so much!

2. Forgive

There are many things we don’t want to admit in times like these; things we believe would only dishonor the memory of our loved one, or things that would dishonor us before their memory. But unless we deal with these things, we would always be burdened by things that should have been buried with passing of our loved ones.  a. Forgiving our loved ones. People are not perfect. No matter how much we love them or no matter how good they are, they may have hurt us at one point or another. They may have judged us and disappointed us. We have to admit how they failed us, and then forgive them with a forgiveness that comes out of the generosity of our hearts. We know that we do not have time anymore, we can no longer wait for them to see their faults and ask our forgiveness.

So we forgive them. We let them go with no bitterness in our hearts.b. Forgiving ourselves. When our loved ones pass away, there is always a feeling of guilt left in us – how we haven’t loved them enough, how we could’ve saved them, how we could’ve made them happier. But when we come to think of it, how much more could we have really done though? Even if we could’ve made a difference, could we be able to turn back the hands of time?Forgive yourself. Admit your faults, go to confession, slap your face hard, observe fasting for a week, shave your head even! But don’t punish yourself forever for being unable to make the proper retribution. You can no longer do that. It’s not your fault anymore. Blaming yourself could never earn for you the forgiveness you so desire. If you can’t be content in praying for forgiveness alone, if you really believe you still have to do something to be forgiven, then do this – love those people still within your reach. Do this, and you’d have earned more than forgiveness; you’d have loved. Love heals. Love forgives.

3. Deal with the pain one day at a time

Grieving for our loved ones who passed away is probably one of the most painful things we’d experience in life. Deal with it one short day at a time. Don’t think of the whole 25 or 50 years ahead of you. Just think of today, and of all the support being given you just where you are. It is times like these when we get to know who our true friends are, people willing to extend their hands and their hearts to help see you through. Accept the help given you, and you’ll make it through today.

4. Honor/ treasure their memory

Many people will suggest to you to move on, which is a fine thing. In the process though, they may also urge you to forget all about the past, and start letting go. Now letting go is not such a bad thing, it could mean giving up all our unrealizable expectations and all of the things we cannot do anymore. But to forget all things completely – to do so would be to start cheating on our true feelings for our beloved who passed away.We can’t just act like we had amnesia all of a sudden.

We can’t pretend that the things that happened didn’t happen, and that the precious moments we’ve spent with our loved ones don’t mean anything to us anymore. Something happened in the past. Souls touched in the past. Lives changed. Souls were inspired.Our grief is only amplified with the thought that we are forever parting with every remaining essence of our loved ones. That’s what makes our mourning even worse, to believe that we are forever losing that part of our lives that changed us and made us happy. Don’t throw it all away. When inspiration comes upon you, they need not leave. They never leave. They inspire us forever.

When my Grandpa died, I thought it was the end of the wonderful love he had with Grandma. But I was wrong. It did not end there. It cannot be ended that way. Up to this moment, I am still a witness on how true love is kept alive in the hearts and minds of those who carry on the radiance of its warmth.

5. Think of the legacy they left behind

I’ve always thought that when our loved ones go away, they take a part of ourselves with them. It’s like a part of us withers away and dies. We feel like an arm or a leg had just been taken away and we can never be whole again. We feel we are lesser people than we used to be. We then wonder why people had to meet at all only to be separated in the end, only to feel broken and incomplete.

But then I’ve also learned that when people become part of each other’s lives, their lives become richer from the whole new world opened before them by one another. They gain a new perspective, they get a deeper understanding of themselves, they learn new skills and hobbies, they discover new places, they get to love a new song. Each one leaves a mark, a precious legacy, a part of their very selves to the people they love.

I don’t know if any grief counseling teaches you this, that even after their lives together had ended, even after one has gone and passed away, that part they have given to us will remain. Because when people become a part of us, a part of their own souls remain in us, forever enriching us, and we are never the same as before.

“What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.”-Helen Keller

My Grandpa had been gone for 16 years now, but the things he left me, the imprint he left in my soul will always be there, guiding me through my journey ahead. Love of country, courage, dignity, love of family – these are the things I will always be thankful for.

6. Schedule activities that help vent out your emotions

You cried, you wept, you wailed. You’re undergoing a grief so deep from your loss.  But as you miss your loved one more painfully with the passing of each day, you feel the emotions within you continue to surge, emotions that need to find a proper outlet to let go.

Schedule those activities with a friend that will encourage you to perform them:
-Play badminton, let go of all the hurts you feel everytime you hit the shuttlecock. Hit it hard! Hit it as far as you can.

-Run the treadmill. Everytime you feel the urge to escape, walk tirelessly. Walk like you never walked before. Run. Run and release the pain you keep within you.
-Swim, imagine your tears being washed away. Do your most powerful strokes, and glide away from all the expectations the world thrusts upon your shoulders. Just make sure a trusted friend and lifeguard is watching over you, okay?
-Grab a crayon and a sketch pad. Draw the abstract feelings you can’t and don’t want to decipher at the moment. Draw in hard wild strokes. Then tear the sheet in pieces.  Do everything within your power to find those shreds of inspiration that can keep you going on.  It would make your healing more bearable, believable.

7. Replenish your soul

Once the strong feelings begin to subside, replenish your soul with activities that promote peace, wholeness and a fresh beginning.

-Plant a seed and watch the new plant emerge from the ground from which it was buried.
-Take care of a chick and help it grow into a hen. You can even enjoy the eggs she will lay for you later!
-Watch a sunrise with a trusted buddy. See how darkness transforms into a magnificent rising of a brand new day.
-Travel somewhere you’ve never been to. Get to know the locals and try to enjoy their way of life.

8. Give yourself time to adjust and recover

It will take time for you to carry on your usual routines each day. Just be patient with yourself. One day survived is one day of battle won. The more days you survive, the more confidence you will gain that you will make it.

If it’s really difficult for you, you can try to write letters to your loved one as though you were only miles away.
This will help you cope with the abrupt change of suddenly not being able to talk with your loved one. This will also help keep your life in check as you literally report what you’re doing with your life.

9. Think of the legacy you wish to leave behind

The torch has been passed on to you. Your life has been made richer by the legacy you received. What do you do now with what you have? What legacy do you want to leave behind to the people that matter most to you now? Remember that you are now a different person by having been a part of someone’s life. Everything you do, any difference that you make in this life is not only because of you, but also because of the one who loved you. When you leave your mark unto this world, you leave a mark formed also by every person that truly touched your life.

10. Believe that God will see you through

God knows your grief. He weeps with you. He hopes with you. He cares for you so much that He willingly died for you to conquer death forever and to give you the perfect and eternal life He wants you to enjoy. Things have not ended here. They have only just begun. Take heart! He will see you through. It is Jesus Himself who said, “The girl is not dead but asleep.” (Matthew 9:24)

When my Grandpa died, I used to doubt whether we can still smile again, now I know the answer: WE CAN.

IN YOUR HOUR OF GRIEF – Book

 

Grief, particularly the sadness of grieving the loss of a loved one, is one of the darkest hours we could ever experience. It is something that goes beyond our comprehension, something so devastating it destroys the most beautiful dreams we have ever had with and for our beloved ones.

How does one go on after such a loss? How does one survive the empty vacuum our loved ones have left behind? Is there any valid meaning we could possibly attribute to death?

Let this book be like a comforting friend for you, someone who knows just how painful it is to experience what you’re going through. I may not be physically with you, but through this book’s comforting words, may you be hugged with a warmth that reaches your heart, soothing the aches within, whispering words of hope and of a renewed sense of connection with that part of you that seemed to have been suddenly lost.

See Book Preview – CLICK HERE

Categories
Spirituality

On the Persecution of Christians in China

I’ve heard once more about the on-going persecution of Christians in China.  Hearing the testimony of the victims, how they were subject to the most gruelling conditions in prison, two ideas could easily come into mind of believers.  One, that there is really a God whom these people serve with all their heart and whom they cannot let go even at the cost of their own life.  Two, that God did not help those people escape the most heart wrenching sufferings they went through.  And to this, even believers might ask the question “WHY?”.

I myself have asked many questions:

What if these Christians retract their faith in the midst of their tortures, would God be saddened by such a decision?  Is God not saddened seeing them suffer that way?

On the other hand, why do Christians persist in defending their faith?  Is this some legalistic concept of salvation?  Is this some heroic act of defending an invincible All-Powerful God?

The understanding of such conditions depends on the premise one takes.  If one takes the worldly point of view, one can’t help but think there is really no benefit gained by such Christians from their suffering and that the God they worship is either not really present, or not a loving God at all to be able to allow such inhuman treatment to be inflicted upon the ones He professes to love.

It is only by taking the premise of love that one can have some insight within the hearts of these brave men.   If one sees that these people have really loved God with all their heart, as a lover does, one can understand how they have found in Him something more precious than anything else in their lives.  Losing such a thing is synonymous to losing their lives and living a life apart from Him cannot even be imagined as they have become one with Him, being empty without Him, being lost, being dead.

Now as to the reason why God does not intervene in this matter (apart from spiritual Grace), there are such Laws that even God cannot break and will not break, seeing the better good that will arise out of it all.

It might be beneficial to first review what causes suffering in the world:

  • sickness of imperfect body
  • death of others due to imperfect body
  • pain inflicted by sin of others
  • pain inflicted by sin of self

In other words, suffering is caused by imperfect body and soul, by SIN that brings about death.

Now how to remedy it?

  • Sickness and death eradicated thru resurrection, by way of being born into the new incorruptible body Paul mentioned in the Bible.
  • Emotional pain caused by others relieved thru forgiveness and total surrender to the God.

Now, going back as to why couldn’t God intervene more

  • As to remedying sin, Love cannot be forced
  • As to remedying physical death, it would be a curse to give immortality to those who have not learned of love.

What might happen if He does intervene?

  • God stops us from getting sick
  • God stops us from dying when attacked by others
  • God stops us from sinning
  • God stops others from sinning against us

As a result, the world we know today will no longer be the same kind of world.  Freewill shall no longer be.  God would dictate everything and we succumb to the level of a slave or a robot instead of a lover who can freely respond to His love.

This world is not yet perfect.  This isn’t heaven yet.  Ours is a world of duality, of both light and darkness, of love and hate, of bliss and suffering, and of the many choices in between.   God can surely pull out the weeds, as the Gospel says, but He will not do so for fear of pulling out even the good wheat, of the many good things this world can accomplish for our eternal soul.  In patience then do we wait and in joy do we live for the moment given us here, growing in virtue and in love, shining forth what little light we can give, until the seasons of the earth are over, and the night shall be no more.