If my beloved isn’t here…

What do I look forward to
if my beloved isn’t here
what do I live for
what do I strive for
whom do I cheer for
along the way?How do I drag my feet to move
each day that I won’t see her face
How do I smile
without seeing her kind face
smiling back at me?

How do I listen to songs
now that all music had been a dirge
How do I find the courage to stand
without someone who needed me to
without someone who yearned to be close to me
without someone who’d lean on me

Long have I wallowed
in my emptiness
long have I travelled
in the darkness that spurred from my misery

Yet the more I dwelt
upon those shadows,
and the more I cursed my breath
and the warm blood that runs upon my veins,
yea the more I chased death
the more I did not find her
and the farther away
she seemed to be

For my beloved is not in darkness
nor she in my bitterest grief
My beloved dwells not upon the empty chasm in my soul
nor in the nightmares
that torment me in my sleep

my beloved is light
and my beloved is joy
my beloved dwells upon those dreams
we dreamt together when my soul was whole
and the light in my eyes still bright with hope

my beloved is in my laughter
and in the peace that dwells upon my heart
my beloved is in the arms of God
who watches over me
and who seeks me constantly
until I’d have been found

And hard as it may
I would try
to find my way through my tears
to lift my eyes beyond the fog
and maybe there
close to the glorious sun
early in the morning
when everything is new
maybe then I would find her
maybe then I’d catch a glimpse
of her beautiful smile
and maybe then I’d finally say
my beloved
my most beloved one
is here

Check Jocelyn's books:

"Of Waves and Butterflies: Poems on Grief", "Mend My Broken Heart", "Questions to God", "To Love an Invisible God", "Defending My Catholic Faith", and more - click here.

(You may freely quote excerpts from this website as long as due credit is given to author Jocelyn Soriano and the website itakeoffthemask.com)