When you hurt so much after confessing your feelings
Out of the many challenges you face when you’re dating, being rejected is perhaps one of the hardest to go through. When you’re rejected, it feels as though your self-esteem has suddenly collapsed. You may even feel worthless altogether.
Why wasn’t I chosen? Or why wasn’t I given at least the chance to prove my love?
Nobody knows how hard it was to even confess your feelings. You may have spent sleepless nights thinking about the right words to say. You’ve searched his or her social media profile just to see the things your special someone likes. You may have even asked that person’s friends to get a clue about their friend’s ideal type of date.
But it all ended with a rejection.
How do you handle a rejection that hurt you so much?
A rejection doesn’t mean you’re not good enough
The first thing you have to keep in mind is that a rejection is not the same as “not being good enough”. So that person rejected you. Does it mean that person has all the power in the world to measure your worth? Does it mean that everything he or she has said about you is true?
What you just heard was just one voice. It’s one opinion among so many. It just so happens that you valued that opinion because you wanted to be with the one you liked.
What’s the basis of your rejection?
Have you ever wondered about the basis of your rejection? Aside from your first instinct of looking down upon yourself, have you considered that the other person may have had other things in mind?
There are some people who may feel that they are the ones who are not good enough. Yes, not good enough for you. And this is the complete opposite of what you may be thinking about!
On the other hand, some people have preferences that may include traits or qualities they consider to be important such as being adventurous, sports-minded or having similar hobbies. It just so happens that they haven’t found it in you.
Not possessing these traits doesn’t lessen your worth. You were just perceived to be different from what the other person expected to find.
It can be to your advantage
Sometimes, being rejected can even work to your advantage. Imagine someone whom you like for now but will never be compatible with you in the future. Visualize a relationship that wouldn’t work out due to your differences in beliefs or way of dealing with the problems in life.
To be rejected is to find an escape from a problematic relationship. It is to be given a chance to find another person who can understand you and appreciate you more.
A rejection isn’t always a permanent thing
Last but not the least, don’t consider every rejection as a permanent thing. People often make mistakes. Someone may have failed to see your true worth. They may have had unfavorable first impressions about you but they may discover who you really are in the future.
How to overcome the hurt of being rejected
1. Don’t equate your rejection with your self-worth
Being rejected should not be the same as being less valuable or less worthy of love. Other people may not see your strengths, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have special gifts that only you could possibly give.
2. Think about the benefits of not being chosen
Being rejected gives you the freedom to find another person who may be more compatible with you. It may lead you to healthier relationships where you can be accepted and loved for who you are.
3. Give yourself time to heal
No matter how logical you may try to be, it still hurts to be rejected. Give yourself time to heal. Cry if you feel like crying.
You need time to process everything. Don’t rush yourself into healing.
4. Consider the value of persistence
There are times when the other person’s rejection of you doesn’t necessarily mean choosing another person over you. The other person may just be waiting for you to prove yourself more. It can be that the other person wants also just to know you more.
Know when it’s time to give up and when it’s time to keep on trying.
5. Try to raise your self-esteem
Use this time to discover more about yourself and your strengths. Learn something new or enhance a skill you already have. This can help you become more confident in the future. When you’re more confident about yourself, you can reveal yourself better to other people. They can then see more clearly the good points they should find in you.
Final Thoughts
Being rejected hurts, but this shouldn’t be the end of your world. You can still heal and come out of it a better and stronger person. You can still find people who can appreciate you and love you for who you are.
Take your time to rest and reflect on what happened. Then continue to improve yourself and be more confident about the things only you could possibly give.
Mend My Broken Heart
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"Of Waves and Butterflies: Poems on Grief", "Mend My Broken Heart", "Questions to God", "To Love an Invisible God", "Defending My Catholic Faith", and more - click here.
(You may freely quote excerpts from this website as long as due credit is given to author Jocelyn Soriano and the website itakeoffthemask.com)