Category: Grief

When children experience loss, whether it’s the death of a loved one, a pet, or another significant life change, their tender hearts are affected deeply. As adults, it is our responsibility to be there for them, to hold their hands through the storm, and to provide a safe space where they can navigate their emotions. In this post, we explore the delicate and profound journey of children and grief, offering insights on how to support these young souls through their healing process.

1. Listen with Patience and Openness

When children are grieving, they may not have the words to express their emotions fully. It’s crucial to listen with patience and openness. Create a safe and non-judgmental space where they can share their feelings at their own pace. Sometimes, they might communicate through play, art, or storytelling, so be attuned to their unique ways of expressing themselves.

2. Be Honest and Age-Appropriate

Children have an innate sense of intuition, and they can often sense when something is wrong. Be honest with them about the loss, using age-appropriate language to explain the situation. Avoid using euphemisms, as it may confuse them or make them feel isolated. Honesty fosters trust, and it allows them to process their emotions more effectively.

3. Validate Their Emotions

Grief can stir a wide range of emotions in children, from sadness and anger to confusion and fear. Let them know that all their feelings are valid and that it’s okay to express themselves. Reassure them that they are not alone in their emotions and that it’s okay to cry, scream, or feel however they need to feel.

4. Encourage Questions and Provide Answers

Children may have many questions about death and loss. Encourage them to ask questions and provide honest answers to the best of your ability. If you don’t know the answer, it’s okay to admit it. Avoid making promises you can’t keep, as this may lead to further confusion and disappointment.

5. Be a Role Model in Expressing Emotions

Children often learn how to cope with emotions by observing the adults around them. Be a role model in expressing your own emotions. Show them that it’s okay to feel sad or angry and that expressing these feelings is a natural part of the healing process.

6. Maintain Routines and Stability

During times of grief, children may feel a sense of chaos and instability. Maintaining daily routines and stability can provide them with a sense of security. It gives them something familiar to hold onto amidst the turmoil of emotions.

7. Offer Physical Comfort

Physical touch can be incredibly comforting during times of grief. Offer hugs, hold their hands, and provide a shoulder to lean on. Your physical presence can offer a sense of reassurance and safety during difficult times.

8. Include Them in Grieving Rituals

Children benefit from being included in grieving rituals and ceremonies, as it gives them a sense of belonging and helps them understand the importance of honoring the departed. Whether it’s attending a memorial service, lighting a candle, or planting a tree in memory, these rituals can be deeply meaningful for children.

9. Use Books and Stories as Tools for Healing

Books and stories can be powerful tools for helping children process grief. Look for age-appropriate books that deal with loss and grief. Reading these stories together can provide opportunities for discussion and emotional release.

10. Watch for Signs of Distress

Children may not always express their grief openly, and some may try to hide their emotions. Watch for signs of distress, such as changes in behavior, sleep disturbances, loss of appetite, or regression in behavior. If you notice any concerning signs, seek professional help or counseling to support them through their grief.

11. Create Memory Boxes or Journals

Encourage children to create memory boxes or journals where they can keep mementos, drawings, or letters in memory of the person or pet they lost. This activity can be therapeutic and offer a tangible way for them to preserve memories.

12. Be Patient with Behavioral Changes

Grief can manifest in behavioral changes, such as increased clinginess, anger outbursts, or withdrawal. Be patient with these changes and avoid scolding or punishing them for expressing their grief. Instead, offer understanding and support.

13. Seek Support for Yourself

Supporting a grieving child can be emotionally taxing. It’s essential to seek support for yourself too. Reach out to friends, family, or a counselor to talk about your feelings and experiences.

14. Use Play and Creative Activities

Children often process emotions through play and creative activities. Encourage them to draw, paint, or engage in play that allows them to express their feelings and experiences.

15. Remember that Healing Takes Time

Healing from grief is not a linear process, and it takes time. Be patient with your child and remember that their grief journey is unique. Offer your unwavering presence and love as they navigate the twists and turns of healing.

Conclusion

Supporting a grieving child requires empathy, patience, and a willingness to embrace their emotions with an open heart. Remember that children are resilient, and with the right guidance and support, they can find their way through grief. Be a loving and understanding presence as they embark on this tender and profound journey of healing.

Grief is an emotion that can shake us to our core, leaving us feeling lost and alone. When someone we care about is dealing with the pain of loss, we may struggle to find the right words or actions to support them. It’s challenging to witness someone we love hurting, but being there for them in their darkest moments can make all the difference. In this heartfelt guide, we’ll explore how to be a source of comfort, empathy, and strength for a friend or family member navigating the treacherous waters of grief.

1. Show Up, Even When It’s Uncomfortable

When someone is grieving, they don’t expect you to have all the answers or make their pain disappear. The most profound gesture you can offer is merely showing up. Be present in their life, even when it’s difficult or awkward. Your physical presence can provide a sense of security and assurance that they are not alone in their grief.

2. Listen with an Open Heart

Sometimes, the best thing you can do is listen. Grieving individuals need to express their emotions, and they need someone who can listen without judgment. Let them speak openly about their feelings, memories, and fears. Hold space for their pain and offer a compassionate ear.

3. Use the Power of Silence

In moments of grief, words can feel inadequate. Embrace the power of silence. Hold their hand, sit beside them, and let the silence speak volumes. Your presence and solidarity will convey more than words ever could.

4. Offer Practical Support

Grief can leave people feeling emotionally and physically drained. Offer practical help with everyday tasks, such as cooking a meal, running errands, or helping with household chores. These gestures can alleviate some of the burden, allowing them to focus on healing.

5. Be Patient and Understanding

Grief doesn’t follow a timeline, and it’s different for everyone. Be patient and understanding, even if your friend or family member’s emotions seem to fluctuate or if they withdraw from social interactions. Give them the time and space they need to heal.

6. Avoid Clichés and Platitudes

When trying to comfort someone, it’s easy to fall back on clichés and platitudes. Phrases like “everything happens for a reason” or “time heals all wounds” may unintentionally minimize their pain. Instead, be genuine and speak from the heart, even if it means admitting that you don’t have all the answers.

7. Share Memories and Stories

Sharing memories of the person they lost can be a beautiful way to honor their memory. Talk about the good times, the laughter, and the meaningful moments you shared together. Remembering their loved one in this way can bring comfort and solace.

8. Respect Their Way of Grieving

Grief is intensely personal, and there’s no right or wrong way to experience it. Avoid imposing your expectations or judgment on how they should grieve. Let them know that you accept and support their unique process.

9. Avoid Comparisons

Comparing their loss to others’ experiences or sharing stories of your own grief can sometimes feel invalidating. Every loss is different, and each person’s pain is unique. Focus on their pain and needs without drawing comparisons.

10. Offer Hope and Encouragement

While it’s essential to acknowledge their pain, offering hope and encouragement can be uplifting. Remind them that healing is possible, and you’ll be there every step of the way. Be a beacon of light, even in the darkest moments.

11. Respect Their Boundaries

During times of grief, individuals may need space to process their emotions. Respect their boundaries and give them the freedom to express their needs. Let them know you’ll be there whenever they’re ready to talk or spend time together.

12. Remember Important Dates

Grieving doesn’t end after the funeral or memorial service. Remembering important dates like birthdays, anniversaries, or holidays can be especially challenging for those in grief. Reach out to them on these days to show your support and remind them they’re not alone.

13. Offer Resources and Professional Help

While you can be a pillar of support, remember that you’re not a professional counselor. If you feel they need more help than you can provide, gently suggest seeking professional support. Offer resources or help them find a grief support group in their area.

14. Be There for the Long Haul

Grief doesn’t disappear after a few weeks or months. Be there for the long haul, supporting your loved one throughout their grieving process. Even after the initial shock has passed, they may still need your presence and understanding.

15. Continue to Include Them

It’s common for grieving individuals to feel isolated or disconnected from the world around them. Continue to invite them to social events and gatherings, even if they decline. Let them know they’re welcome and included whenever they’re ready.

In Conclusion

Being there for a friend or family member dealing with grief requires empathy, compassion, and understanding. By showing up, listening with an open heart, and respecting their journey, you can be a guiding light in their healing process. Remember, your love and support can make a world of difference during their darkest moments. Let them know they’re not alone, and together, you can navigate the path towards healing and hope.

Grief is an intrinsic part of the human experience. It is a natural response to loss, and each person’s journey through it is unique. Whether we lose a loved one, a pet, a job, or experience any significant life change, grief becomes a constant companion. It is essential to understand the process of grief and the healing it can bring.

What is Grief?

Grief is a complex emotional reaction to loss. It encompasses a range of feelings such as sadness, anger, guilt, confusion, and even relief. These emotions can be overwhelming and confusing, leaving individuals wondering if what they are experiencing is normal. The truth is, every person’s experience of grief is unique.

The Stages of Grief: A Roadmap to Healing

Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced the concept of the five stages of grief in her book “On Death and Dying.” These stages are not linear and can be experienced in any order or even simultaneously. Understanding these stages can provide some insights into the grieving process:

Denial: Initially, there is often a sense of shock and denial, especially when the loss is sudden or unexpected. The mind may struggle to comprehend the reality of the situation.

Anger: As reality sets in, it is common to feel angry about the loss. This anger can be directed at oneself, others, or even the universe.

Bargaining: In an attempt to regain control or make sense of the loss, some individuals may find themselves bargaining with a higher power or fate.

Depression: Deep sadness and despair are a natural part of grief. This phase can be particularly challenging as it may feel like the pain will never end.

Acceptance: Over time, healing can begin as acceptance of the loss takes hold. This does not mean forgetting the person or event, but rather learning to live with the reality of the situation.

Grieving is Personal: Everyone’s Journey is Different

It’s important to recognize that grief is a deeply personal experience. People have different coping mechanisms and support systems. Some may seek solace in talking about their feelings, while others may prefer to process grief privately. Remember that everyone’s journey is unique, and it’s essential to respect and honor individual ways of grieving.

The Impact of Grief on Physical and Mental Health

Grief not only affects emotions but can also take a toll on physical and mental health. People may experience sleep disturbances, loss of appetite, fatigue, and difficulty concentrating. It is crucial to take care of oneself during this time, which includes maintaining a healthy lifestyle, seeking support, and not hesitating to ask for help when needed.

The Role of Support Systems in the Healing Process

Having a strong support system can be immensely beneficial while navigating the grieving process. Friends, family, support groups, and professional counselors can offer a safe space to express emotions and find comfort. Surrounding yourself with understanding and compassionate individuals can ease the burden of grief.

Cultural and Social Aspects of Grief

Grief is also influenced by cultural and social factors. Different societies have unique mourning rituals and customs that help individuals process their emotions and find solace. Understanding these cultural differences can foster empathy and acceptance towards grieving individuals from various backgrounds.

Children and Grief: A Delicate Balancing Act

Children, too, experience grief when faced with loss. Helping children cope with their emotions requires sensitivity and age-appropriate explanations about death and loss. Encouraging open communication and allowing them to express their feelings can aid in their healing process.

Seeking Professional Help: When to Consider Grief Counseling

While grief is a natural response to loss, sometimes the pain may become overwhelming or prolonged. In such cases, seeking professional help from grief counselors or therapists can be beneficial. These professionals can provide specialized support and guidance in navigating the complexities of grief.

Finding Meaning and Purpose in Loss

As challenging as it may seem, some individuals find a sense of meaning or purpose in their grief. This may involve creating memorials, participating in charitable activities in honor of the deceased, or dedicating oneself to a cause that was important to the one who passed. Finding meaning in loss can provide a source of comfort and healing.

The Role of Rituals and Memorialization

Rituals and memorialization play a significant role in the grieving process. They provide a tangible way to honor the memory of the departed and create a sense of continuity. Rituals can vary widely depending on cultural and religious practices, but they serve the purpose of acknowledging the loss and the life lived.

Healing Through Self-Expression: Art, Writing, and Music

Art, writing, and music can be powerful tools for self-expression and healing. Engaging in creative activities can help individuals process their emotions and find a sense of catharsis. Many people find solace in creating art, writing in journals, or listening to music that resonates with their feelings.

Grief and Gratitude: Finding Light Amidst Darkness

While grieving, it may seem difficult to find anything to be grateful for. However, cultivating gratitude, even amidst loss, can offer a glimmer of hope. Gratitude does not negate grief but rather allows individuals to find moments of positivity and appreciation, which can contribute to the healing process.

Moving Forward: Life After Loss

Healing from grief does not mean forgetting or letting go of the memories of the departed. Instead, it involves integrating the loss into one’s life and finding a new sense of normalcy. Gradually, individuals learn to carry the memory of their loved ones with them as they continue to live and grow.

Conclusion

Grief is a natural response to loss and is an essential part of the human experience. Understanding the process of grief and the different ways it can manifest is crucial for healing. There is no “right” way to grieve, and each person’s journey is unique. Finding support in friends, family, or professionals can help ease the burden of grief. Remember that healing is a gradual process, and it’s essential to be patient and kind to oneself during this time. Ultimately, with time and support, healing and acceptance can be achieved, allowing individuals to move forward while honoring the memory of their loved ones.

Our grief is personal

Our griefs are as personal as the people we have love and lost. Grief books are like that also. They are special because they came from the unique bond the authors have had with their loved ones who died. No one can ever say that they had the exact same grieving experience as another. We grieve in our own way and in our own time.

This doesn’t mean, however, that we cannot understand each other’s sorrows. Grief is also a bond shared by everyone who have lost the ones they love. Those who have been left behind all feel the emptiness and hurt after their loved ones have passed away.

Perhaps we read books about grief because we want to know that we are not alone. Someone out there also misses their loved one. Someone also cries every night, calling out the name of the only person who can take their pain away.

Here is an alternative list of grief books you may want to read after the death of a loved one. They are not the most popular ones you often see. But they, too, carry that sincere warmth and longing grieving hearts can relate to. These grief books can remind you that you’re in the company of those who seek meaning, purpose and hope after their loved ones have passed away.

1. Eye of the Storm: The Silent Grief of Miscarriage (by Rachel McGrath)

“I wanted to scream, but I didn’t have the strength to even whisper.”

Rachel McGrath shares a moving account of her silent journey of loss. With only her husband and a few close people who know what she’s going through, she bears her grief in silence and attempts to find hope and healing along the way.

How do you grieve the death of someone who hasn’t even lived a single day outside the womb? How do you feel the pain of missing the person whose face you can’t even remember?

When many people may misjudge your sufferings and think you can quickly get over your loss, Rachel writes about her pain as being as tangible and as real as those who have lost their loved ones.

This grief book is recommended not only for people who have lost their children through miscarriage but for everyone who goes through the process of grieving their loved one’s death.

Free on Amazon Kindle – click here.

2. Of Waves and Butterflies: Poems on Grief (by Jocelyn Soriano)

“Sometimes grief is like a wave, and healing is like a butterfly.”

Not every grief book can speak directly in the form of an advice or a personal account of someone’s painful experience. Sometimes, the assistance we need may come from words that can accompany us in our darkest hours. These words are like friends who, instead of telling you what you can do, stand by your side and listen to your deepest cries.

Let the poems from this book utter the pain from the wounds of your heart. They describe various moments of one’s sorrow, griefs that come and go like waves upon the shore. They also flutter about like butterflies bringing news of healing from faraway. In a way that we cannot even imagine, we find hope with the thought that though some things may change, the most beautiful things will always remain.

Free on Amazon Kindle – click here.

3. Stepping-Stones ~ Following a Pathway to the End of Life (by Ellie Atherton)

“The majority of the dying patients I cared for were much more concerned about their loved ones than for themselves. They told me they didn’t want their death to destroy the goodness in others’ lives or stop them from living fully… Of course, they knew their family and friends would grieve for them, but ultimately, they wanted them to find the strength to go forward in life…”

Stepping Stones written by Ellie Atherton is so rich with life-changing wisdom that I didn’t know where to even begin my book review. Should I begin by describing how much I admire the author for her priceless work among the dying? Should I begin with the courage and generosity of people who, in the face of death, thought more about their loved ones than about themselves? Or should I begin with the people who grieve and who must face the difficult path of living without the presence of those who gave meaning to their lives?

Maybe I should just begin with my own thoughts about death. The many thoughts and feelings that couldn’t help but arise as I read a book that seems to foretell the future for me. One day, I would also face death, whether as one who leaves or as one who will be left behind. Is it Divine Providence then that I was able to read such a book that would guide me later on?

I believe that it is. By reading this book, I was able to see the many faces of death. Death that often comes unannounced, surprising us all, leaving us gasping for whatever consolation we may find.

In the end, however, this book teaches us how death can impart so many gifts to us. In the face of loss, we become more aware of the blessings we have received. In the face of pain, we are given the opportunity to love to the very full.

I recommend this grief book to anyone who ever desires to live a more meaningful life. It would teach you to make the most of the time you have and to never take for granted the chances given you.

I also recommend this to all of those who are nearing the end of their life’s journey as well as to those who are accompanying the dying. The wisdom of this book comes from first-hand experience and it would teach you how the last days of a person need not be the least. Death is as much a part of life as birth, and the final transition in a person’s last moments may yet unveil for us a deeper understanding of life beyond all that we could ever see or touch.

In the face of today’s pandemic and worldwide grief, may this inspiring book be like a radiant light that shines through our darkest days, giving us consolation as we cry and allowing us to believe that sorrow and joy can mingle beautifully within lives filled with love.

Review originally published on Reedsy.

4. Speaking of The Dead (by Chelsea L. Tolman)

“When your heart is shredded like fraying fabric and dangling in pieces, the scotch tape method isn’t going to work long term. Careful stitching and honest grieving is necessary to put things back into place. Maybe not perfectly, but at least in a way so you can breathe again.”

The book “Speaking of The Dead” by Chelsea L. Tolman stands out in many ways. First, it is a personal account of the experiences of the author as a mortician and a funeral director, an authentic narrative, without the usual exaggeration often shown by the media. Second, it deals with the subject of grief and loss from first-hand encounter with those who mourn the death of their loved ones. And last but not the last, without being preachy, it tackles the subject of death and the importance of living our lives with the time given us.

“Speaking of The Dead” not only speaks about death. It speaks so much about life and the people who are left behind by those who passed away. In a way, it enables us to reflect about our own lives, what it is that we really want and what it is that would truly matter in the end.

I think I have never cried so much before while reading a book for review. This book really tugged at my heart in so many ways. There are books we just want to finish or read only once. And then there are books that are like treasured possessions. The ones we want to read over and over again. The ones we remember most because they have allowed us to dig deeper into the mystery of who we really are.

Available on Amazon

Final Thoughts

After the death of a loved one, reading a grief book may be the easiest place to find refuge and consolation. Through grief books that share the author’s personal experience, we can feel that we are not alone. We can also gain insight from others who have gone through grief themselves and found the strength to carry on.

Grieving may be heavy burden to carry, but we can somehow find some ways to bear it. And we can start to hope that even after their death, we can still live our lives with a sense of purpose, beauty and love.

“Grief knits two hearts in closer bonds than happiness ever can; and common sufferings are far stronger links than common joys.” – Alphonse de Lamartine

What do you do when a loved one dies?

When a loved one dies, you may feel as though something within you has died, too. You feel that deep void that nothing could ever fill.

Your whole world changes. All of a sudden, you wonder about the meaning of your life.

Sometimes, you can’t even put everything into words. You just feel lost and confused. You feel as though time has stopped and your life has stopped as well.

What do you do now that your loved one has gone away? How do you even start to do the things you were doing before?

For many of us, we may even neglect taking care of ourselves. We skip our meals and we find it hard to sleep. Or we may sleep all day and not move at all.

Should we stop caring for ourselves when our loved one dies?

What Your Loved One Would Have Wanted

One very important thing to keep in mind is to think about what your loved one would have wanted for you. If he or she were still living, how would that person want to see you? Would your loved one be happy seeing you neglect yourself? Would it be that person’s desire to see you give up on life?

While it may be hard to imagine, try to look back at those times when a loved one was still alive. Try to remember those times when that person reminded you to eat or to take a good rest when you don’t feel well. Even when you can’t recall such times, imagine how your loved one must be feeling when seeing you now.

Sometimes, you take care of yourself not because you feel like doing so but because you want to honor the memory of someone who cares for you.

Wherever they may be, you want to assure them that you are doing your best to survive. Yes, you may be grieving. But you are trying to make it day by day. You don’t want your loved one to feel burdened. You want to send a message instead that you’re going to be fine.

For The People Who Are Still With You

You must also remember the many people are still by your side. If you are a parent, you must have other children who depend upon you. If you are someone’s child, you have parents who’d worry about what’s happening to you.

Aside from your close family, you have other people who want to see you doing well. While you may not see them everyday, you are still someone who matters to someone else. It may be a far relative or a co-worker. It may be a former classmate or a friend.

You may not feel it now, but you are still connected to a lot of people. They care for you. And you try to take care of yourself for them as well.

For Those You Haven’t Met Yet

Your life would still go and you will continue to make new friends and acquaintances. You will meet people who will care for you. People whose lives would be better because they have met you.

They may not have a face yet in your mind today, but they, too, would want to see you survive.

How Do You Start Taking Care of Yourself?

When you are grieving, even the simple things don’t seem to be that simple anymore. You may feel that the routine you have practiced daily has suddenly become burdensome. But you must do even the basic things for your survival. Don’t think about the far future. Just do what you have to do for the day.

Here are some things you should consider doing daily:

1. Eat your meals

There’s nothing as important for your survival as eating your meals. Your physical body needs to be nourished to go on. Even the task of crying would be a struggle if you don’t even have the strength to cry.

2. Get enough sleep

Why not use your time of sleep to rest your aching heart? Let your body find time to recover the strength you have lost. Surrender your worries as you let body and mind rest for the night.

3. Move a little

While you should take some time to rest, you should also remember to have some exercise. Move a little. Take a short walk outside. The sunshine and the fresh air would be good for your recovery and healing.

4. Take a shower

You shouldn’t forget your hygiene even when you grieve. A warm bath could make a lot of difference while you’re healing.

Final Thoughts

Time may have stopped for the loved one you have lost, but don’t let time stop for your life as well. Don’t you know that a part of your loved one still lives on within you?

You have the responsibility to live your life in such a way that could honor the memory of your loved one. Live for those whom you have lost as though they are still in the world, touching other people, moving lives and making this world a happier place to be.

In Your Hour of Grief

See the book on Amazon – click here