There’s something life changing about knowing that you are loved as you are.
You don’t have to pretend like you’re someone else.
You don’t have to always try so hard.
You don’t need to be anxious each time you mess up, thinking you’d be rejected after all for that.
You just live as you are.
You laugh as you laugh.
You cry like you’ve always cried.
And you won’t be judged.
You won’t be cast away.
You’d just be loved,
And you’d be delighted upon
Just for being you,
For the beautiful
And wonderful person
That you are.
“To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is…like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything.” – Timothy Keller
I’m the type of person who always wants things to be organized. I make schedules, I plan, and I try to anticipate any needs that may arise in the future. Being unprepared seems to be one of my worst nightmares so I try to do what I can to avoid unexpected outcomes. I really try to do my best and that is why when something still goes wrong, I can’t help but ask, “Wasn’t it enough?”
It’s so frustrating whenever you know you’ve done everything you could and you still fail in the end. Sometimes I wish I never prepared at all. There are so many people who hardly plan and do what they’re supposed to be doing but who manage to make things work out for them later on. What’s the use of your effort when your efforts have no matching recompense?
This kind of process applies not only in work but also relationships. You can invest so much in a relationship and practically devote everything you’ve got only to hurt the one you love the most. You can try to please people in every way and still fail to meet their expectations. In the end, you just feel so tired and you wonder where you ever did something wrong.
These things made me realize that there is no amount of preparation that could ever assure me of a perfect outcome. Even if you think you’ve considered every detail, there can always be that one thing that could ruin your best plans and intentions. Yes, that’s reality. And that’s how this life works.
The truth is that we can’t control everything. Who knows what people or events could suddenly affect everything you thought is going to happen? Who knows what kind of disaster or epidemic is going to change the world overnight?
This doesn’t mean we don’t have to prepare anything or to do our best. But this means we should be more flexible in facing whatever happens next. It means that more than preparing for the external things, we should also prepare our hearts. We need to have that kind of heart that is strong enough to meet failures and disappointments in life. We need to have that kind of heart that can still have hope despite situations that make almost everything impossible to do anymore.
In this world, we can never do anything to avoid pain. But we can give room to our tears so that they can unclog our hearts and make us more compassionate with others. In this world, we’d still fail, but we can find the strength to arise each time we fall. We can break, but we can be better and wiser and stronger than before.
There is a pitfall in being a loving person. When we picture a loving person, we often picture someone who is selfless and self-sacrificing, someone who doesn’t care about what happens to him or to her if it means being able to love other people. We picture a person who has no worries being harmed for as long as one’s beloved is happy.
While it is important not to forget that love is unselfish, we should also remember that love does not mean neglecting to take care of oneself. Love is not a cruel thing that enslaves us and punishes us. Love is not something that is unconcerned with what we’d become.
While love sees and protects others, it also defends itself. Love knows that in order to take care of one’s beloved, one also has to protect oneself. It isn’t selfish to desire to be strong so you could be of service to those you love. It isn’t selfish to think about the value of your life as you also think about the good of your loved ones.
You are not alone in this world. As much as you care for others, there are also people who care about you. As much as you want to protect your loved ones, the ones you love also feel the need to take care of you.
How could your loved ones be happy if they see something bad happening to you? Love is not only about giving but also about receiving with a humble and a grateful heart. Love is taking into consideration the feelings of those who care about your good.
“whatever you do
be gentle with yourself.
you don’t just live
in this world
or your home
or your skin.
you also live
in someone’s eyes.” ? Sanober Khan
Almost fifteen years ago, I’ve started my blog “I Take off the Mask!”. Back then, I had no idea that the world would one day experience a pandemic that would require all of us to literally wear our masks for the protection of all those we hold dear. Back then, I merely wanted to put up a site where I could express “the real me”.
I even had the following tagline:
“I bare my nakedness to the world, that the world may see who I am; not the mask that hides my flaws, not the mask that hides my beauty. I bask in the light and I take off the mask!”
I wasn’t talking about physical nakedness, as I’m not referring to the masks we should now wear each day. Instead, it was about the masks we wore for fear of exposing our vulnerabilities. The masks that hide who we truly are.
The masks we wear
Today, when everyone is advised to wear masks, I’ve realized how my blog title has become both ironic and perplexing. I know that it refers to a different thing altogether, but does it?
Whenever I browse social media channels these days, I can’t help but wonder about the other kind of mask we still wear today. I don’t want to judge people who are truly content and happy where they are, but I can’t help but feel that many of us tend to wear this façade that we are smiling when we are crying deep within.
We try to somehow present a picture that we are positively adjusting to the “new normal”. We try to project an image of the fun things we can do here and there, and of how life goes on despite everything that’s happened.
The pain we hide
There is nothing wrong with an optimistic outlook, but somewhere along the way, it’s also not wrong to recognize the pain we all feel within.
The pain of the things we’ve lost. The pain of parting with the kind of life we’ve had. The pain of letting go of many of our dreams. The pain of suffering from all the evils and injustices of this world. The pain of saying goodbye to those we dearly loved.
We don’t always have to say that we’re okay when we’re not. We don’t have to convince ourselves that we’re superheroes who feel no fatigue or weariness in their struggles. We are human beings whose hearts can be broken, and whose spirits can get tired.
Safety for our vulnerabilities
I’m not saying that we shouldn’t lift up our eyes to better things. But I hope that we can provide each other with a safe environment where we can reach out when we need a helping hand, and where we won’t be judged when we finally expose our griefs.
Each day is indeed a gift, but life is still a battlefield where many are wounded along the way. How must we heal unless we first acknowledge how hurt we truly are?
Instead of pretending to be strong, may we open up our hearts to being strengthened. Instead of trying to hide our battles, may we remember that sometimes, there are people who can be encouraged by our very scars.
“We can disbelieve most people who claim they love us for our beauty. But how can we doubt them who love us despite all our scars?”
Why do we hide our tears from the world?
We hide our tears –
because we don’t want to appear weak
because when we appear weak, other people would avoid us
because they don’t want to be affected by our weaknesses
and when they leave us, we just become even lonelier than before.
We hide our tears –
because we don’t want to lose our credibility
with the people who trust us and depend on us
because when they see us crying, they’d think we’re crumbling
and when we crumble, they’d have no one to lean on to anymore.
We hide our tears –
because we don’t want to appear hurt
because when our loved ones see how hurt we are, they’d get hurt as well
and we don’t want to see them hurt
because we’d only get hurt the more.
I’ve hidden my tears for quite a while, ’til there came a time when I surrendered, and I set them free — I let them flow, and I’ve realized, I don’t want to hide my tears anymore.
I don’t want to hide my tears anymore –
because I want to show others how much I understand their tears,
and in so doing, help them feel they’re not alone;
because I want to show one doesn’t have to be perfect all the time,
just so you can be strong;
because I want others to understand me too, in my hurts,
trusting they can also be strong,
and that they could also love me for who I am,
not for who I pretend to be.
“If you will love me I cannot promise you that I will not hurt you. I cannot promise you that I will not make you cry and that I’ll never break your heart. But if you will love me, I will bare my whole self naked before you, and I will reveal to you my soul. If you will love me, you can be certain that it is I that you will love, not a mask that fools you and gives you only what your eyes desire to see.
If you will love me, you can be certain that you will love the depths of me, all of me that is in me, and I in turn will love you with all of me, with all my soul, with all my mind, with all my spirit, with all my flaws and beauty, and with all my very heart.”
“Men build too many walls and not enough bridges.”- Joseph Fort Newton
Christmas is just around the corner. We are reminded once more how the world can only be saved by love. Hatred would bring us nowhere. Only compassion can bring healing and peace.
Quite often, however, we find it hard to love. We don’t know where to even start. How do we find compassion for people who hurt us? How do we even start to love?
In the following article, I’ve discussed how one simple skill can help us fight hatred:
