Too many relationships have been broken all because we have let pride get in the way of letting the other person know how much they really matter to us.
No, I will not apologize. I will not apologize if I were perfect and I don’t make mistakes. But since I am imperfect and I fail to love you as I ought, I will say I’m sorry. I will never let pride get in the way. Your love is more important to me. And saying sorry is far easier than letting you go.
How many times have we failed to save a relationship all because we have let pride get in the way? In today’s letter, we find a difficult struggle in times when we need to apologize so we can keep the people we value the most.
LETTER TO JOYCE
Dear Joyce,
Hi there Joyce, as I write this am in tears and I need to speak to someone I don’t know becoz am even tired of telling my friends all the time we are not talking with my husband becoz of the same thing. The problem is my husband is wat I my call a 90% perfect husband bt he will never show he is sorry wen we have a misunderstanding even wen he is the one in wrong, we are in a long distance relationship so he will never call u first even wen u don’t its me that always calls coz am used to talking to him every day so more than a day feels like a week and two days feel like weeks, so it on again we have not talked for days 4 days now and I don’t want to call him coz he will take this to his advantage of always never calling first or saying sorry. I need the strength not to call him.
From Carol
RESPONSE FROM JOYCE
Dear Carol
Being able to say ‘sorry’ is a strength that many people fail to recognize. Maybe that’s why many of us are so hesitant in saying it. We’re afraid to have other people think we’re weak. And we’re afraid to be put to shame.
On the other hand, I believe that none of us could really go in this life without having a real need to say we’re truly sorry. For one thing, we are not really perfect. No matter how good our intentions are, we make mistakes, and we fail to measure up to our own expectations. Further, even if we believe we’ve done the right thing, that doesn’t necessarily mean that other people won’t get hurt. They may misinterpret what we said and though we’re not sorry for being right, we’re sorry that we have caused other people pain. And it is indeed a strength to care more for other people than to be merely concerned about our pride. Too many relationships have been broken all because we have let pride get in the way of letting the other person know how much they really matter to us.
Carol, you said that you have what you call a 90% perfect husband. It seems like that’s someone who’s almost perfect! I’m almost certain that he is someone who has made you feel that you are loved and valued and beautiful. I do hope that he may also learn to apologize in times when he also makes mistakes, an apology not only in words but in action, to be able to change for the better after each fall.
I don’t know if not talking to him is the way you could teach him that. I wish it were that simple. I must admit I have also struggled with a similar dilemma. But what I can say is that if both of you truly love each other, love will find a way to break through pride and everything else that stands in the way. And maybe, to a person who has felt really guilty in hurting a loved one, what would make it easier to apologize is not in emphasizing how wrong he or she has been, but on seeing how he or she has hurt the one he/she loves the most. Carol, if you think you have successfully kept your boundaries and avoiding talking to him has not worked, maybe you could try talking to him seriously, sincerely yet lovingly telling him how you have been hurt and how you love him and want your relationship to last and not be affected by this kind of burden.
Yours in Prayer,
Joyce
Related Post: Will You Still Love Me Even If I’m Not Perfect?
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