Many times, it is not the process of separating from your partner that’s hardest. What’s really difficult is the meaning we need to give to such a separation. What will all these mean for us? Why do we have to undergo so much pain?
There are so many questions at the back of our minds but we’re afraid to answer them for fear of not being able to face the meaninglessness of it all. As a result, we choose to hold on to the relationship however painful and unhealthy it has already become.
What are these questions we’re so afraid of? Rather, what are the answers we don’t want to find?
1. That you have been rejected, and judged as “not good enough”.
Rejection is painful. It’s like being disposed of as trash, as though there’s nothing good or ever worth keeping in you.
When you experience a breakup, you can’t help but feel you were never good enough. What did you lack? What could you have done to prevent this? Why has he left you for another woman?
To be rejected is to have failed to measure up to the standards and expectations of the other person. To be rejected is to feel that you have not been loved at all!
But is this the real meaning of our feelings of rejection? Did we really fail to measure up to someone who is better than us? Are we really so repulsive and worthless as a person?
What Rejection Really Means
- Rejection does not always mean you were the one who failed to measure up to the standards of the other person. In reality, many people call for a breakup because they were the ones who felt they could never measure up to your standards.
- Rejection does not always mean your WHOLE BEING had been rejected. It may be that only one trait of yours was considered as incompatible with your partner’s character.
- Rejection does not always mean that the other person who replaced you as the third party is better than you. It could be that your ex merely found someone who is more compatible with him considering his values and interests.
And even if your partner declares you have been rejected because of another person who is better than you, it doesn’t mean he is right! Remember that there are always three sides to a story: your side, his side, and the right side.
To be rejected by someone doesn’t mean you should also reject yourself or that you should think of yourself as a lesser person. It doesn’t mean that nobody will ever love you anymore. Remember that only ONE person has rejected you at the moment, and it only hurt so much because to you, that person’s opinion symbolized the opinion of the whole world, of God.
In order to move on, you must develop your self-confidence and raise the self-esteem damaged by the rejection. You must have a firm belief in your own self worth, in your own beauty!
Further, rejection doesn’t mean you were never loved. He may have really loved you at some point in your relationship, but something happened and that love has not been taken care of and protected. It takes a lot of work and courage to continue loving, and many people don’t have the patience and the strength to persist in their love. People change as well, and the guy who is now hurting you wasn’t the same guy anymore who took your breath away.
2. That you have been betrayed, and you have wasted your time, tears and effort for the wrong person.
To be betrayed is be slapped in the face a hundred times and after which, you still couldn’t believe he could do such a thing to you!
Why? How could he have done this after all that you’ve been through? These are but few of the questions you ask as you try to understand his reason for hurting you.
You then remember all those years you spent together: all those happy moments, and all those rocky times you were able to overcome. What’s the worth of it all now? All those wasted years you could have spent with someone who could have really loved you.
Wasted. Wasted laughters. Wasted tears. Wasted love.
That’s how badly you felt. And yet, is love ever wasted? Where does love go when it gets sent to the wrong person?
No matter how broken and betrayed you may feel right now, know that love is never wasted. To be able to love another person is to be blessed with an opportunity to know the meaning of life, the real value of our existence. It’s not the one who has loved the wrong person who has truly lost something. It’s to be given authentic love and not receive it that is the greatest misfortune.
It’s unfortunate how many of us fail to recognize the love that is being offered to us. We seek for love but never recognize it when it arrives. We crave for it only to reject it if it doesn’t come in forms we expected it to be.
If we only knew what’s being offered us, we’d have respected it. But we are often not aware of it, and we hurt the ones who really loves us so.
In order to move on, believe that it was never a waste to love. It has enriched you as a person and has equipped you with the capacity to love the right person when he arrives in your life. The one who hurt you may not have intended to cause you pain, but he has yet to grow and learn what love really is so he can recognize it when it comes to bless his life again.
To love is to risk, and to risk is to lose sometimes, to get hurt. But let it not deter you from loving again, from being happy. We can’t always understand everything that happened, but we can accept that not everything is perfect in this life. The people who have hurt you may not have intended to cause you pain. Hurt people hurt people, and more often than not, they hurt themselves most of all. Let God take care of these people. Let God be the one to continue the love you have planted upon their hearts.
Let go of what you can no longer keep. Protect what’s still worth keeping. Believe in love most of all.