How do I know he really loves me?
Sometimes, the most unexpected things happen. Just when we thought we’re beginning to heal and move on, our “ex” suddenly wants to make up. What do we do then? What if he or she suddenly comes back?
Here are some questions worth considering when your ex shows up and suddenly wants to make up:
1. Have you already decided the best course of action for yourself?
Have you thoroughly reflected about what happened? Could you still see a possibility for reconciliation? Was the separation you wanted temporary or permanent?
2. Are you ready to take him back?
Have you healed enough? Are you ready to begin again considering everything that has happened in the past? Do you now have a support system of family and friends to keep you balanced and secure?
3. Is he ready to return to the relationship?
Is he willing to work things out to save the relationship? Has he shown signs of change if there were some things in his behavior or thought patterns that were unacceptable to you before? If he was violent, has he sought psychological help and shown recovery?
4. Are you coming back for the right reasons?
Although loneliness is a pretty tempting reason to go back together, you should fight this temptation to immediately make up. Consider that more damage could be done with the wrong relationship than patiently waiting for the right one.
Could you see a future where the two of you could mutually work things out to help each other?
5. Could you clearly set expectations?
Could you now clearly set each other’s expectations about the relationship and how it could be met? If there were issues, could you both think of a way for it to be addressed? If trust was broken, how could it be restored?
6. What would change?
How would things be different this time with the relationship? How could each one change and adapt to each other’s needs?
How Do I Know If He Really Loves Me?
Oftentimes, it’s a matter of knowing whether he truly loves you or not.
Has he really loved you?
“If he really loved me, why did he cheat on me? If he really loved me, why was he afraid to commit to our relationship? And why did he keep on hurting me with words that humiliated me?”
And if he hasn’t loved you in the past, how do you know that he loves you now?
Our Definition of Love
Back when we were kids, we used to define love in our slam books and essays. We were so sure what it meant. When we grew up, so many people have shared their own definitions of it with us, and we were convinced how wrong we were.
We weren’t realistic. We’re too idealistic! We’ve believed in fairy tales for far too long.
Soon we no longer knew what love was or if it even exists at all!
We Still Yearn For Love
Deep within, however, we still yearned for love. We feel this ache in us, this emptiness that we strive to fill again and again with the wrong kinds of affection.
Signs of Love
How do we know if a person loves us? Is it enough that he or she tells us so?
It is never enough to merely say it. Love is an active and powerful force that needs to be expressed, and that must be manifested in countless different ways. It may not be easy to define what love is, but we can see some signs by which it makes itself visible:
1. Respect
To be respected is to be valued as a person, and for our needs to be taken into consideration.
In my article “Why Is Respect Important In a Relationship?”, I’ve discussed in more detail why love and respect must always go hand in hand.
We can’t say somebody loves us if that person can’t even respect our feelings. If we are constantly ignored, or threatened or forced to do something against our will, respect is absent, and we should doubt the authenticity of the “love” being offered to us.
On the other hand, if our needs are taken at heart, and if we feel safe and protected, if we feel valued as a person, it is one indication that love may indeed be present or can be allowed to grow.
2. Commitment
Another sign of love is the ability of the person to commit to the relationship. To be capable of devoting ourselves is to have the capacity to give to something we truly believe in.
Commitment is when the other person is willing to devote his time, effort and emotions into the relationship to protect it, to cherish it, and to make it grow.
One sure sign of what we value most in life is the time we spend in it. Is work most important to you? Then you must spend a lot of time on it. Are your friends valuable to you? Then you must hang out with them a lot. Is your garden important to you? Then you must spend a lot of time taking out the weeds and watering your plants.
Is he devoted to you? Take a look at the time he spends with you. It’s not that he should have nothing to do but hang around with you, but sometimes it’s so obvious how he spends time with seemingly unimportant matters but refuses to spend time to make your relationship grow.
Commitment is a sign of responsibility. It’s something that separates those who just wants to have a good time from those who seek a love that would last a lifetime.
3. Faithfulness
Faithfulness is being loyal and being true.
Is your partner truthful to you, or is he lying most of the time? If he is concealing a lot of things from you, then trust can never be developed.
If trust isn’t developed, love also falls apart.
How could you trust anyone whom you don’t really know? How can you believe in his words when he has misrepresented himself most of the time?
Being faithful to you means you’re not being treated as a mere object for fun or entertainment. It means you are not being used as a replacement for anybody else.
Faithfulness manifests purity of intention in a relationship. Without it, we’re bound to suffer from constant cheating and betrayal.
Respect, commitment and faithfulness. They seem like old words, but they’re never outdated. They help you find authentic love. They help you find the right people who will not play around with your feelings and then throw you away like trash later on.
Look for these signs, and then look for their consistency. We can still find what we’re looking for.
We need only to look in the right places, and with the right kind of eyes.
The thing about hope is that it’s a positive force that shines the most when it’s dark. When everything’s going well, we hardly notice it’s there. But when things go against us, when our dreams fade and when we see no immediate reprieve from our troubles, that’s when hope does its best work for us.
"Where Hope Can Be Found"