Category: Dear Joyce

There Are Rays of Hope Even in Our Darkest Hour

God has never led me through a difficulty in which there is no resulting joy that far surpasses the difficulty I’ve been through.

Are you going through a difficulty that seems so hard you’re wondering if you’d ever make it through? Do you feel you’ve already done your best, that you have fought so hard already and still the battle seems so far from being won?

Take heart for you are never alone. In your darkest hours, in your weakest, you’d find the strength you need to carry on. In the most hopeless of situations, a helping hand will be with you, and things will turn around in such a way as to make the most depressing of circumstances in your favor.

Try not to think of the many days ahead, think only of today. Think only of the moment. In this blessed moment, you have God with you, embracing you, whispering unto you: I have always loved you, my child. That is all that matters.

Every difficult task that comes across your path – every one that you would rather not do, that will take the most effort, cause the most pain, and be the greatest struggle – brings a blessing with it. And refusing to do it regardless of the personal cost is to miss the blessing. – Streams in the Desert

It is through the most difficult trials that God often brings the sweetest discoveries of Himself.

A Hope That Doesn’t Disappoint Us

“Then you will know that I am the LORD; those who hope in me will not be disappointed.” – Isaiah 49:23

Hope is when we see something that is not yet truly there. It is taking hold of tomorrow’s victory even when what we have today is sorrow and difficulty.

There are many times in my life when I have hoped only to have that hope crushed, when I have dreamed, only to have that dream taken away. Times like that I’ve asked myself, where is hope then? Why hope when you will be disappointed anyway?

Later on I’ve realized that my hope has failed me because I have hoped in people and things that cannot really guarantee the fulfillment of my hope.

No person is perfect no matter how strong or how good he may be. And no matter how they may wish to satisfy us and keep their promises, a time will come when even their strength won’t be enough. That’s when our hope fails us. That’s when we realize how fragile that hope really is.

On the other hand, we can come to know that there is One who has never failed us yet. God, who gave up even His own life and comfort, has always been there for us, keeping His promises, even in times when we fail again and again to fulfill ours. When we hope in God, we know that our hope is not in vain.

“We can put our hope in the best of things and in the best of people and they shall fail one by one. Only God suffices. Only God.”

Faith, hope and charity go together. Hope is practised through the virtue of patience, which continues to do good even in the face of apparent failure, and through the virtue of humility, which accepts God’s mystery and trusts him even at times of darkness. Faith tells us that God has given his Son for our sakes and gives us the victorious certainty that it is really true: God is love! It thus transforms our impatience and our doubts into the sure hope that God holds the world in his hands and that, as the dramatic imagery of the end of the Book of Revelation points out, in spite of all darkness he ultimately triumphs in glory. Faith, which sees the love of God revealed in the pierced heart of Jesus on the Cross, gives rise to love. Love is the light—and in the end, the only light—that can always illuminate a world grown dim and give us the courage needed to keep living and working. – DEUS CARITAS EST, Encyclical Letter, Benedict XVI

LETTER TO JOYCE

Dear Joyce,

I was born with half of my immune system missing, it’s not aids or hepatits. The treatments to keep me healthy have side effects that can damage my health or kill me. I recently recovered from meningitis. I find it impossible to live in constant fear of getting ill while not on treatments, and fear of getting meningitis or something worse from the treatments. Each treatment I may or may not get a life threatening, life changing or life ending side effect, however without the treatments I could die an agonizing death from infections or cancer.

Do you have something Biblical that could help me cope? Please respond to me via my email since this is the first time contacting you.

Please pray for the health of myself and my family. Please pray my son did not inherit this genetic defect that I was born with. Please pray that God will heal me and that my family and I don’t have side effects from previous treatments and never get side effects from future treatments. Please pray that God will make it possible for me to return to teaching and to college to finish my degree. Thank you for being so kind to pray for me and for this wonderful website that allows you to show compassion for others. I have already started praying for you and will pray for you for the rest of my life in this life and in the next. Thank you for taking my letter to heart.

Sincerely in Christ’s Sacred Heart,
Mary

RESPONSE FROM JOYCE

Dear Mary,

I have prayed for you and your family. God loves you! He is watching you right now, protecting you, providing for all your needs like a dear and strong Father, sustaining you in your most painful days. Jesus has suffered with us, our burden is also His very own, the very nails that pierced His hands and feet, the very thorns that wounded His head, the lashes that scourged His back. He will never leave us alone, especially in our greatest hurts and tribulations. Do continue your prayers and take courage! He has overcome death itself. Jesus has overcome the world.

Here are some Bible verses that could help:

But to you who fear my name shall the sun of righteousness arise with healing in its wings. – Malachi 4:2

As one whom his mother comforts,
so will I comfort you.
-Isaiah 66:13

Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart,
and saves those who have a crushed spirit.
Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
but Yahweh delivers him out of them all.
-Psalm 34:18-19

Blessed are those who mourn,
for they shall be comforted. – Matthew 5:4

No, in all these things, we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. – Romans 8:37-39

“The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to heal the broken hearted,
to proclaim release to the captives,
recovering of sight to the blind,
to deliver those who are crushed,
and to proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord.”
-Luke 4:18-19

Be strong.
Don’t be afraid.
Behold, your God will come with vengeance, God’s retribution.
He will come and save you.
Then the eyes of the blind will be opened,
and the ears of the deaf will be unstopped.
Then the lame man will leap like a deer,
and the tongue of the mute will sing;
for waters will break out in the wilderness,
and streams in the desert.
The burning sand will become a pool,
and the thirsty ground springs of water.
-Isaiah 35:4-7

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort; who comforts us in all our affliction, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, through the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as the sufferings of Christ abound to us, even so our comfort also abounds through Christ. – 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

Is any among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the assembly, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord, and the prayer of faith will heal him who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. If he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. – James 5:14-15

Then you will know that I am Yahweh;
and those who wait for me shall not be disappointed.
-Isaiah 49:23

He will wipe away from them every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more; neither will there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain, any more. The first things have passed away. – Revelations 21:4

If you are using an android phone, I have also made a free app called “God’s Promises” CLICK HERE or you can search for my name Jocelyn Soriano to see all the related inspirational apps at the Play Store.

God bless you!

With Love,
JOYCE

…hope returns when I remember this one thing: The Lord’s unfailing love and mercy still continue, Fresh as the morning, as sure as the sunrise. The Lord is all I have, and so in him I put my hope. – Lamentations 3:21-24

IT’S JUST A MATTER OF TIME

When grief looms over like a cloud,
and your heart gets broken,
and your spirit’s down,
it all seems like happiness
is but a distant dream,
and it loses its meaning
where it cannot be seen.

And we are lost where it’s dark,
without a song in our hearts,
and we couldn’t believe
it would all pass away.
If we could only hold on to a rhyme,
which could make us remember the light,
then morning might not be so far away,
IT’S JUST A MATTER OF TIME.

If we could imagine once more,
what joys are in store
with the rising of another day;
if we could only hear again
that gentle voice in the wind
reminding us that dawn is already near –
won’t we break out into songs
and cheer each other on
and say IT’S JUST A MATTER OF TIME?
Won’t we be able to bear
the darkness we are in,
knowing it couldn’t help but end
and IT’S JUST A MATTER OF WHEN!

And though the dawn is yet to come,
and the night is yet to end,
though our pain still lingers,
and our wounds are yet to heal,
we rejoice with our hopes,
as though they’ve already come,
certain that our prayers were heard
and IT’S JUST A MATTER OF TIME!

“I plead with you–never, ever give up on hope, never doubt, never tire, and never become discouraged. Be not afraid.” -St. John Paul II

RELATED ARTICLES:
Things I Must Remember During Very Difficult Times
Hope – The Secret Key to Happiness
When You’re Too Tired to Hope

We cannot love others
in the truest sense
of the word,
if we do not even know
how to love
ourselves.

If we truly wish to love,
to give generously and sincerely,
we must ensure that
we are holding out
our overflowing cups.

Not our half-empty ones
waiting to be filled.

Some people are givers, they have much to give to others and many people benefit from their generosity.  There are times however when these people give so much that they feel drained from within, and there is nobody who is able to replenish them back. Have you ever felt like that? Have you ever felt as though you’re giving more than you’re receiving and that sooner or later, you’d have nothing to give anymore?

Why do you feel as though you’re giving too much?  What are some of the possible reasons you continue to give without being able to receive enough?

• To please others and win their love
• To please others and avoid confrontation
• Not to hurt people and fail their expectations
• Because it is your obligation, you are required
• Because you are threatened with punishment and fear i.e. God’s punishment and rejection

If you’ve had the above mentioned reasons in mind, you may want to re-consider the following reasons:

• For the good of others, not just their being pleased (See also “We Need More Than Kindness”)
• For the love of what you do
• For your own growth

You may also want to think about the reasons why you feel you’re not receiving enough.

Why Aren’t You Receiving Enough?

• Not asking for help due to fear of rejection
• Not asking for help due to experience with people who ignored your needs and failed to help you in the past
• Strong beliefs on martyrdom and the need for sacrifice
• Help is actually being provided by God but not recognized or not in the form you want
• Image of a demanding God requiring/ needing something from you

If you feel that you’re giving more than you’re receiving, you may need to think about the reasons why you seem to be giving so much as well as the reasons why you’re not receiving as much help as you need.

You should also note your own limitations in giving –  you may not have respected your limits often and you felt you always had to give even when you already can’t.

On the other hand, you may need to seek out more people who can also support you back, people who also have a lot of things to give and who would be more than happy to give of themselves to you.

God knows you and your limitations.  You need not carry the burden of the whole world upon your shoulders; He’s already done that for you!  In times when you can no longer carry on, let Him carry you! (See also “Why Is My Cross Heavier?”)

LETTER TO JOYCE

I’m going through a period in my life trying to please everyone around me n in the process I feel like I’m loosing myself. Both at my work because I work with family members, also within my relationship. I’m feeling lost, depressed, frustrated, hurt confused.

From Dian

RESPONSE FROM JOYCE

Dear Dian,

I can see how you value the people around you. How good it is indeed if people would look beyond themselves and see how others are doing instead of being concerned only of oneself. Your loved ones are blessed, indeed.

There are times however that no matter how hard we try, we can’t please everyone, even the people that matters most to us. We may disappoint them in a way, and because of that, we also feel frustrated ourselves.

Dian, know that for as long as you have tried your very best, you have nothing to regret. We can only do so much with the little time that is available to us. It is said that we can’t even do all the good we want to do, and for this reason, we must prioritize and choose the good that we desire to be accomplished.

In order to accomplish such good things however, we must also take care of ourselves and our needs. We are but human beings who have needs of our own, physical, emotional and spiritual. When our needs are not met, we lose the strength to be able to help those around us. We thus learn to love and take care of ourselves because we love others around us.

This isn’t something that is quick to practice. We must be patient with ourselves until we are able to adjust our boundaries and priorities – what we should do first, what our limitations are, what we can and cannot do for other people.

I too, have found difficulty in this area. And one thing that helped me see things in proper perspective is this: loving God first, and being loved by Him.

“Which commandment is the greatest of all?”
Jesus answered, “The greatest is, ‘Hear, Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one: you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ This is the first commandment. The second is like this, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”
-Mark 12, World English Bible

It is in loving God first that we are filled with the love we need to be able to love others. It is in focusing our eyes upon God’s will that we are able to see clearly how we should love ourselves and our neighbour.

God loves you! Do spend some time alone with Him that you may be filled with His love, wisdom and strength. He will guide us in what we ought to do that will be the best for us and those we love most.

Yours in Prayer,
JOYCE

RELATED ARTICLES

When You Don’t Love Yourself Enough
How Do I Learn to Love Myself More?
What is the Meaning of Your Life Right Now?
Are You a Generous Receiver?

I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears. – Psalm 6:6

What do we do when there seems to be no answer to our prayers?

LETTER TO JOYCE

At 52 years of holding on to his grace, I am having thoughts of confusion in that I was raised in church and taught to be like Christ in all my ways and treat others as I would like to be treated. What I have found out and experienced is that I follow this taught pattern, but the world that we live in is not that way. My kindness gets taken for weakness and even other believers have shown some worldly behaviours that we would see from unbelievers!

My heart has been broken over and over again by people that I have trusted and even my own family deal deceitfully and manipulatively and these people claim to love the Jesus.

Throughout my life as a child, I grew up with a mother that did not want a female child. There was love shown to my 2 brothers and I was always cast aside. Never knew my father. As a result, I looked for love in all the wrong places and had a daughter at the age of 21. The father and I never married and we split. Problems of rebellion grew with my daughter as time went by, she would sabotage my relationships, curse me and be completely disrespectful.

During this time, I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer and I lost a breast. Through it all I continued to give god the glory and thank him for his healing. Today, I am still cancer free. The rebellion continued with her none acceptance of a potential partner of 6 years, she wanted to break us up so much that she claimed that he molested her. When I prepared a case to go to court, cause I believed what she said, my daughter told the lawyer that she lied and she did it to break us up. Lives have been shattered!. My daughter is angry and uses this story to make me look bad throughout the community.

I have prayed and prayed for our father to mend the brokenness in our lives, however it continues, then I was diagnosed with an brain aneurysm which was only discovered by the grace of God. God directed me to the best hospital to get it clipped. When there, they found another one hiding behind the first. Surgery went well! and was back home 5 weeks with 3-4 months recovery. There was no love from my family or my daughter during my illnesses and I thank God for his love for me to still be here today.

I left the country as I lost my job to start a new life elsewhere, the Christian people I trusted to help me have used up my finance up and forsaken me. I am living on benefits with no money, bills pilling up, applied and been interviewed for so many jobs and no-one would give me a job. It has been a year and a half and everything that I have worked for over the years is gone.

In a country alone with no real friends and my heart continues to break even more!

I go through life broken inside and out, loveless hanging onto the strings of God and his love. Trying to keep the faith!!!!! He saved me for a purpose, than you Jesus!

THE PAIN OF LOSS especially of my daughter and my grands is so much, I can’t bear some days, feeling lost, no real friends, no money!

CONFUSED! trying to understand the lesson! Is my faith fading?

From Tried and Tested

RESPONSE FROM JOYCE:

There are times when God allows us to undergo a very difficult time, a time when everything that ever supported our life crumbles and breaks, and when even those closest to us betrays us and shatters our heart. And we wonder, why did God ever allow everything to happen that way. We wonder where is God in all the darkness that surrounds us.

Perhaps we could relate to the words of Job when he too, righteous as he was, lost everything and wondered why God has allowed him to taste such bitterness:

8 God has blocked the way, and I can’t get through;
he has hidden my path in darkness.
9 He has taken away all my wealth
and destroyed my reputation.
10 He batters me from every side.
…
13 God has made my own family forsake me;
I am a stranger to those who knew me;
14 my relatives and friends are gone.
15 Those who were guests in my house have forgotten me;
my servant women treat me like a stranger and a foreigner.
16 When I call a servant, he doesn’t answer—
even when I beg him to help me.
17 My wife can’t stand the smell of my breath,
and my own brothers won’t come near me.
18 Children despise me and laugh when they see me.
19 My closest friends look at me with disgust;
those I loved most have turned against me.
20 My skin hangs loose on my bones;
I have barely escaped with my life.
-JOB 19

We want to find the answer but we could not, and all we hear is silence. We want to see the light but we remain in darkness. This is indeed a very difficult crisis of the soul. But what are we to do? To whom could we ask for hope?

Though our hearts may be broken, though are minds may be filled with questions, though we struggle with even our faith in God, in Him only is our hope and in Him only can we find the light.

But we must wait for His light. At the proper time that He chooses, we must wait until He reveals the reason for everything that has confused us. For the meantime, we try to hold on. For the meantime, the more we feel that we are persecuted by the whole world, the more we should flee closer to God, for He is our true and only refuge.

And like Job, who has waited upon God’s answer through all his misery, may we also see the answer in God’s face.

“In the past I knew only what others had told me,
but now I have seen you with my own eyes.” – Job 42:5

“Then, after Job had prayed for his three friends, the LORD made him prosperous again and gave him twice as much as he had had before… The LORD blessed the last part of Job’s life even more than he had blessed the first.” – Job 42:10,12

God bless you and fortify your faith as you wait patiently for His answers. He never takes away anything without giving us something better, and what is surely the better part? It is to find God’s love, and to see His face.

Yours in Prayer,
Joyce

“The thought of my pain, my homelessness, is bitter poison. I think of it constantly, and my spirit is depressed. Yet hope returns when I remember this one thing: The Lord’s unfailing love and mercy still continue, fresh as the morning, as sure as the sunrise. The Lord is all I have, and so in him I put my hope.“– Lamentations 3: 19-24

“Sometimes people are beautiful.
Not in looks.
Not in what they say.
Just in what they are.”
-Markus Zusak, I Am the Messenger

What is true beauty? Quite often, what is truly beautiful is veiled in such a way that we cannot see it. Why can’t we see it? Maybe because we don’t know where to look. Or maybe because we are blind to seeing what is truly beautiful.

“What is essential is invisible to the eye.” – The Little Prince

Our eyes often fail to see beyond skin, beyond age, beyond clothes, beyond material riches. Only our spiritual eyes can see the kind of beauty that really lasts.

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” – Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

LETTER TO JOYCE

I don’t like myself I hate my ugly body… I have no hips and a large waist I”m straight up and down like a boy. My nose is too big and lips too small my teeth too big for my mouth. my feet are huge size nine too big for a woman 5’3″ 130 lbs I’m not good at anything hate my job and can’t stand my husband. How do I feel better about myself. I know I should be thankful for good health I’m able walk talk see and hear have two great children and 6 wonderful grandchildren but I hate my life.

Karen

RESPONSE FROM JOYCE

Dear Karen,

Thanks for writing. You know, there are times when I feel that I don’t like myself so much also. I’m not the fashion model type. I’m not the actress type either. I’m very simple in appearance, not one that I think many people would find attractive. What I’ve realized however is that even if I don’t like myself sometimes, I could still love myself. Those are two very different things because we can like somebody without loving them, and we can love somebody even if we don’t like them so much. Maybe you can begin there, by loving yourself even if you don’t like everything about yourself yet.

In times when I find it more difficult to do so, I remember God’s love for me. Even if I fail Him sometimes, even if I don’t feel I’m as holy as other people are. God still loves me, and He has even died for me when I didn’t even know anything about His love. When I start to see myself through God’s own eyes, I feel thankful, and I also start to love myself, not for my perfections, but for my weakness, for the way God has mercy on me despite all my miseries.

In the end, we are all imperfect anyhow. No matter how beautiful other people are physically, we all grow old, wither and die. In the end, we are not very different after all. What remains is the love we have given, the kind of life we have lived for those we love. That is what we always carry with us, and the more love we are able to have inside, the more beautiful we become! God bless you, Karen. May you see yourself more and more through His loving eyes.

Yours in Prayer,
JOYCE

Loving Yourself Through God’s Eyes

There are times when no matter how hard we try, we feel unable to love ourselves. In such times, we feel its so much easier to love other people. After all, they’re not with us 24 hours in a day We don’t see all their weaknesses. We don’t have to live with their regrets. And we’re not the ones who have to carry their hurts.

In such times, we feel overwhelmed. We don’t have enough strength to accept this person we see in the mirror everyday.

We don’t have enough love to love her. We don’t have enough strength to uplift her when she couldn’t believe in herself anymore.

During such times, I’ve known of a way to help you continue improving your relationship with yourself. And that way is to see yourself through God’s own eyes.

In God’s eyes, there is no condemnation for those who seek His mercy. In God’s eyes, there is no pain too hard to bear nor weaknesses too weak to be overcome by His insurmountable strength.

God can embrace us wholeheartedly, opening us up yet sustaining us and healing us at the same time. God sees all our potentials. God sees our light when all that we can see are our shadows.

God sees this person who falls but who has the power to get up again and again. God sees this person who gets hurt but does not become hard or bitter, only softer, more resilient to change.

God sees you. God cherishes you. God loves you more than anyone could ever love you as you really are.

Where I Fit In

I can’t help it at times, if I trip when I walk
Or I sing some notes out of tune.
I am not like ones you’ve seen
on movie scenes –
Lovely, witty and sweet.
I am not the shy underdog
with a heart of gold,
or that daring adventurous girl
full of charm.
I fall short trying to fit in,
where I cannot fit in,
trying to be beautiful,
trying to be good.

I look at me
and I cannot see
what He sees,
how someone could love
the likes of me.
But as I look into His eyes
all I know
is that I am loved,
every bit of me – loved.

And I fall for Him,
fearfully yet joyfully,
I fall…
I let myself surrender all –
my hurts, my doubts,
my anger, my insecurities.
And they all vanish
at the sight of Him.

I am moved,
I am thrilled,
I am healed,
every bit of me –
accepted and made whole.

Without even trying to,
He changes me.
Into His own likeness,
He fashions me.
And I sink deeper
into His affections,
where I lose myself
without truly being lost,
where I discover another me,
the one I’ve always
been meant to be!

And it doesn’t matter anymore
that I could never fit in
anywhere else,
for there I’ve found my place,
for there I’ve found myself,
the one He sees,
the one He truly loves!

“We all want to be beautiful because we want to be loved. In truth however, it is because God loved us that we become beautiful!”

RELATED ARTICLES
Self Confidence Quotes
Why Do We Grow Old?
We Have a Skewed Vision of What’s Beautiful

“It is the nature of the strong heart, that like the palm tree it strives ever upwards when it is most burdened.” – Philip Sidney

To love is to be strong. It is love that strengthens us so we can continue loving even in the most difficult situations. With the strength of love, we are able to uplift not only ourselves but the people who are dearest to us.

“Love… bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. – 1 Corinthians 13:4,7-8 (WEB)

LETTER TO JOYCE

Hi. I’m writing out of sheer desperation and the loss of self worth. I think slowly I have been dying inside. The one person that i believed Cared for me, the person that i believed would always protect me, told me yesterday, not to expect him to care. His parents hate me,have made it known, prefer his ex wife and do not acknowledge our 5year old son. In a negative encounter with his parents yesterday at a grocery store, my husband who was not there, didn’t care to ask the details. In fact blamed me stating it is my fault that i did not give him the details, so what could he say since I was not smart enough to fill him in. He was not interested in the least that any one had disrespected me.

I’m a step parent. When he works I pick up his kids. I watch them and entertain them when he works. He praises me up and down for it. When I make a choice to not take that responsibility when he is mad at me and is cruel and is punishing me, I’m a sorry screwed up person. I have cried, Been rejected, ignored, yelled at, told to shut up, and once when I was on my knees pleading worth him to at least hear me, he kicked me aside. I plan everything, Fix everything with finances, I have even taken care of his case with his ex wife in regards to enforcing his court orders to see his children. He had never even made contact with his lawyer… I was handling it. He now after 2 years had regular visits worth his kids. But, no matter what I have ever done, he is a monster at punishing me. ignoring me, withholds affection, silent treatment, keeps away from me, expects me to handle everything, and he takes no responsibility for even the smallest things, like putting the lawnmower away out of the rain.

He minimizes and says I make a big deal out of everything, when it would be easier to just put the lawnmower in out of the rain. He constantly hangs up on me, ignores my calls, and if he stays ok the line he says talk all you want, I’m not listening And puts the phone down while I talk. I’ve cried so much. I’ve given to this man. I’ve helped this man. I’ve sacrificed of myself for him. I have not gotten back a thing. No respect, no love, no protection, nothing. …When i leave the room so that I don’t feel so humiliated, he tells me no one told you to leave, your the one who slept in the other room. I’m at my wits end. I don’t know how to cope. I don’t know how to respond to this cruelty. All I know is that I am on shock with how a human being can torture his wife the way he has and how it does not affect him one bit.

Joann

RESPONSE FROM JOYCE

Dear Joann,

I don’t know quite where to start. If I try to see myself in your situation, I wouldn’t have known clearly what to do. Further, I would have been so tired, exhausted and barely able to hang on. The fact that you were still able to write all these shows how you still have some strength and courage left to deal with such a difficulty!

So maybe we could start with that. Joann, I hope that you can save whatever strength and courage you still got in you, not only for yourself, but for your loved ones, especially your son. If you are to be completely drained, who would be there for him to take care of him?

I know that it is easier said than done, but I pray that you find a way, maybe move out for a while and have some space between you and your husband. You need to find healing, and to regain your strength. How can you think of the right thing to do when your surroundings is so cluttered and painful?

We are but human beings who need some things to survive, to live. We need health, a space of our own, respect, love. But is this really what we are getting from those we expected to give it to us? And if not, why are we hanging on?

Could it be that the people we expected it to be from are also in desperate need of healing? Could it be that instead of hanging on, what they really need is for us to let go for a while so they can fix their issues? Sometimes, loving a person means being firm for that person so they can get better. Otherwise, no change would ever come and we’d be forever stuck in the same pattern of pain.

God bless you and keep you, Joann. May He give you wisdom and strength to do what is right for the people you love the most! Remember always that you are loved and God is only a prayer of silence away.

Yours in Prayer,
JOYCE